


僕は兄に恋をする Boku wa ani ni koi wo suru

by Maaitaiyou



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Brotherly Affection, Family, Forbidden Love, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2019-08-03 00:29:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16315625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maaitaiyou/pseuds/Maaitaiyou
Summary: Love that needs to end even before it's started because it was forbidden???Sho decided to put it a stop even though it meant to hurt both him and Masaki





	1. he just wants to love and being loved

Nino looked at his best friend panting breathless beside him. Finally, they managed to finish their moved to the new apartment rented by Nino's boyfriend. Ohno used to live with his parents, but once Nino was accepted into one of the universities in Tokyo, he decided to rent an apartment, so they could live together. At first, he was not going to agree with Nino's suggestion to find two-bedroom apartment, so his best friend can stay with them but after knowing Masaki's situation, he agreed. Both Nino and Masaki came from Chiba, but Masaki is a year senior. 

 

Masaki had moved to Tokyo 1 year earlier than him and stayed in his brother rented apartment. Both brothers studied in the same university but in different faculty. Nino knew how much it meant to Masaki to be able to study in the same university and staying in the same house with his brother, but he can't let his best friend suffered longer than what he did. Sometimes he wondered why God was so cruel to his best friend. Masaki was the sincerest person that he ever knew in this world. He is someone who always smile happily and bring happiness to others with his laugh although his life not as happy as it seemed. He lost his father when he was a child and when he was about to know what is love, he lost it before it was even started. Nino wondered why Masaki is the one who always being hurt when he is always sincere to others.

 

For one-year Nino, had been listening to his cries almost every time when they talked on the phone. If possible, he wanted to teleport to Masaki's brother apartment to give that asshole brother a nice punch on his face. He wondered if all the smartass like Masaki's brother who only born with good brain but not heart. Why must he hurt Masaki so much when they used to be close. Nino can't stand to see him cry that he forced Masaki to move in with him into Ohno's apartment although it meant to threatened him with breaking of their lifetime friendship. Nino was about to open his mouth but kept silent when he saw tears started to fell on his friend's cheek. Nino passed him a can of beer and left the room. He knew Masaki need his time alone.

 

He felt so tired, the move drained all his energy, but he was glad he managed to finish all the move with Nino's help. His whole body ached but it was not comparable with the pain in his heart. For the past year, he studied harder than anyone else to get into the same university as his brother or at least any university in Tokyo so he could stay with his brother. Although they were born on the same year, they were only at the same age for one month since his brother was born in January while he was born in December which automatically made his brother his one-year senior according to Japanese school terms. His brother left their home in his last year of his High school to live with their relative before his brother moved to Tokyo after he was enrolled in one of the prestigious universities in Tokyo. They used to be close, but things changed 4 years ago which made them drifted apart. Masaki was so happy when he managed to pass the entrance exam for the same university as his brother and with their parents’ consent, he moved in to his brother apartment a year ago. He thought this will help them to mend their relationship but what he went through was worse than living with a stranger. 

 

He was always lonely as if he was living alone. Other than daily greeting of good morning and night, they hardly spoke to each other. They hardly had time to eat together as his brother was hardly at home except when his brother's boyfriend, Jun, came over. Masaki knew Jun since Jun studied in the same high school as his brother and he knew how much the other is in love with his brother. He used to think that his brother didn't look at Jun at the same way but when his brother introduced the latter as his boyfriend on his second day moving in to the apartment, he knew he was wrong. Sometime Masaki wondered where he goes and what he does, and it was most painful when he heard his brother moans of pleasure whenever Jun stay over for the nights. Jun is friendlier and talk to him more than his own brother. His heart ached every time he sees his brother smiled for Jun, exchanged stories about their daily lives and doing their school project together because his brother never gave Masaki a chance to do that with him.

 

It was painful but if it meant he can be close to his brother, he will endure it even if he ended up crying in silence almost every night especially those nights when his brother with Jun. Masaki hate himself for being so stupid but he loves his brother so much to be apart from him again till Nino forced him and he can't afford to lost his best friend too after losing his brother. With a heavy heart he called their parents to informed them about his decision to stay with Nino and Ohno. It was a great deal for him to ensure their parents that it will be better for him to move with Nino without any tears and without worrying their parents about them. When he told his brother about it, he only heard an okay from him, as if he was waiting for Masaki to move out and he was not even at home when he left this morning. Masaki can't hold back his tears. It was too painful for him. Why everyone he loves ran away from his life except for his mum. He didn't hope for luxury life, but he just wants to love and being loved.

 

Ohno pulled his crying boyfriend in his arms. He knows how close both Nino and Masaki are. They are like inseparable twin who had known each other since they were a child. Nino had always been protective over Masaki although he is younger than the latter. He used to be jealous when they first get to know each other but not now. Seeing how Nino cried because of his best friend made him proud of his boyfriend loyalty to their friendship. Ohno asked Nino to wait at the dining table before he knocked on the Masaki's room door to call him for dinner. As usual, Masaki open the door with bright smile even though his eyes were red as an evident that he was crying a while ago. With his bratty attitude, Nino scolded Masaki for taking too long to come to the table. "Come on! Masaki, I'm so hungry. helping you drained my energy and I'm almost fainted here." Masaki laughed at his best friend remarks. "Hai hai... Cominnnnnggggg" he replied and seat beside him. Masaki knew both Nino and Ohno trying their best to make him happy.

*************************************************************************************************************************

Sho looked at the empty room. "He finally left" his heart ached. He knew how much he had hurt him for the past one year when they were leaving together. It was not easy for him to hold himself from running to him to comfort him whenever he knew the other was crying because of him. Hurting Masaki was the same as him hurting his own self, but he must do it, so Masaki will run away from him and forget about him. He aware how much the other loves him and he loves Masaki too, so much that he is going crazy about it, but he knew they can't. He tried to stay away from Masaki as much as he can, but it was impossible when they are staying in the same house. It was unbearable that made him left home in his final senior year of high school, but it was never made him forgotten about Masaki. He missed him every single moment always look at him from far while they travelling to school till he moved to Tokyo and only God knows how happy he was when he saw the latter at the doorstep of his rented apartment a year ago but as the elder he need to put a stop to it even though it will hurt both of them. He started to spend more time in the library, so he won't be at home much. It enough for Sho to see him once every morning and Masaki coffee will always be the best coffee in his life.

 

Jun look at his best friend aka fake lover, sitting in the darkness in the middle of the empty bedroom with a swollen eye hugging the black dog soft toy which belong to Masaki, maybe the other accidentally left it there. He didn't understand why Sho chose to hurt himself when they may be a better way to deal with it. Both had known each other since Jun transferred to the same high school. Jun used to love him, but he knew there is only one guy in Sho's heart and Jun had moved on from him since then because he know he would never stand a chance. Jun aware of Masaki misunderstood him as Sho's boyfriend since Sho introduced him that way and always lied they were out on dates when Sho studying in the library and when Masaki heard their moans while doing hand job for each other instead of having sex. Even during that moment only Masaki on Sho's mind. Jun didn't understand why it was so complicated to love and being love.

*****************************************************************************************************************************

Mrs Sakurai hung up the phone after talking to his son. Masaki called to inform that he had moved to Nino's apartment. Although Masaki sounds cheerful, she can sense the sadness in his son's voice. She wondered if she and her husband had made a wrong decision 4 years ago. Yes 4 years ago when both of her sons start to change and became far apart.


	2. New Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It didn't seem bad at all

5 years ago, ...

 

Sho felt his head filled with bells rang in it with the pain from the hit that made him fell on his knees on the pathway near the basketball court. He was just moved to the neighbourhood and this was a bad welcome for him. "Are you okay?" Masaki felt bad when the other didn't reply him. The other must be in pain to be hit by his basketball ball especially when he just pumped new air to it and was sturdy hard. "I'm giddy" the other tried to stand but failed and almost fell to the ground if Masaki was a second late to catch him. "Aibaaka you always so clumsy, sometimes I wondered how you became the best when your ball can even hit someone out of the basketball court. Be thankful we are not in a game and it was not the referee that you hit" Nino nagged his childhood and best friend who help him to hold the other. "You can nag at me later, let's bring him to clinic first." Nino didn't argue and followed Masaki to the nearest clinic that belong to their senpai by a taxi. Sho wanted to tell them it was fine that he just needs a rest, but the headache was too much.

 

They reached the clinic in 15 minutes. Sho was given a pain killer and slept on one of the patient beds. "So, is he okay sensei?" Masaki can't be calmed till he heard an update. Kimura sensei look at him with serious face that scare Masaki, "Shit! Did I really cause a big accident this time?" Masaki was asking himself when he heard both the sensei and his best friend laughed. Kimura can't hold his laugh seeing Masaki scared face that made him want to tease him more, but he can't help to feel sorry seeing how the other face turned pale. " He is fine Aiba-kun, he just needs a sleep. Nothing serious but because the ball was hard and hit the head hard caused him to feel a bad headache that made him made it hard for him to walk or stand properly. I've given him pain killer and antibiotic so let him sleep for a while and he will be fine" Masaki sighed relieved. His clumsiness always caused trouble to others.

 

Sho panicked when he realised that he was not sleeping on his bed. But he felt so refreshing after that nap. He looks around and realized he was at a clinic. He saw a boy sleeping on the chair next to his bed. He is beautiful and the serene look on his sleeping face gave a warm and calming vibe. But Sho was more attracted to the boy lips. He wondered how it felt to kiss that soft lips. "Shit! what am I thinking right now?" he asked himself. His head was better now. The moving sound on the bed woke Masaki up. "Oh! You awake? I'm sorry because of me you had to lie down on this bed." Sho can see the guilt in the other eyes. "It's okay, I'm fine now and thank you for bringing me here. You..." Sho's word was interrupted when another boy came in with a doctor. The doctor asked him a few questions while checking his conditions. "Great! You can leave now. There is nothing serious that you need to worry but I will still suggest Masaki to accompany you home and make sure you have enough rest. Growing boy like you need to have enough rest so your mind can work properly." Sho nodded his head and looked at the boy beside him. He assumed he is the Masaki that was supposed to accompany him home since the other was the only one who was getting ready to leave with him. "Nino! You not coming with us?" He heard the boy asked the small build boy who is talking to the doctor. "Nope! I'm going to help Kimura sensei. Anyway, I'm Nino and I'm sorry for my friend clumsiness that caused you to be here." The small boy introduced himself and Sho shook the other boy hand. "It's ok I'm fine now and thank you for bringing me here". 

 

Masaki stop him when Sho wanted to pay for his medical bill. " let me pay for you this time as a way for me to say sorry." Sho surrendered when Masaki keep insisted on paying for the bills. "Anyway, I'm sorry that I have to look at your wallet just now because I have to find your details" Masaki was confused when he saw Sho laughed. "Sorry I didn't mean to laugh at you, it just that you are apologizing too much today." Sho said. "Ah! Sorr... Ah! I'm sorry again I just can't help it" they both laughed. Since it is almost dinner time, they stopped by at a family restaurant to have their meal. "Since you had paid for the medical bill, let me at least treat you for dinner to thank you for taking care of me today" Masaki smiled and that is the most beautiful smile that Sho ever see in his life.

 

They talk a lot during dinner and get to know each other better. "So, you just moved here? So sorry it was a bad welcome incident for you." Sho just laugh at Masaki words. "I won't say it was bad, because I got to know you" Sho replied with the sweetest smile that made Masaki heart beats faster. He had been studying the other facial feature while Sho was sleeping in the clinic just now. Masaki can't stop his heart from pumping too heart looking at that calm sleeping face and now that smile made the other looks so cute that he wanted to kiss him. It was a great effort to hide his nervousness. "I'm happy to have a new friend too. We can go to school together if you want. My school is just two bus stop away after your school. You must be clever to be in that school." Sho blushed when praised like that. "But I'm not as sporty as you". Sho was sad when his dad first announced their move. Although he can continue to attend the same school, leaving the neighbourhood that he used to, caused such a big disappointment although his new house was nearer to his school. However, after meeting Masaki, it didn't seem bad at all. Masaki walk him till the front of his house and he found out the other house is at the other corner.

 

His father was waiting for him looking worried. "Where have you been? I'm so worried when I can't get you on your phone too." Sho felt guilty that he made his father worry. Since his parent's divorce when he was in kindergarten, his father had been taking care of him. Despite of busy with his work, never once he felt less love from him although at times he was lonely when his father needs to work late or outstation. He met his mum once a year when she came back to Japan and he used to feel sad when he saw his friends with their mother but not now. His mother is too busy with her career as a professor and her new family and he was happy with his father. Now he grew up he wished that his father started to look for his own happiness instead of caring too much about him. "I'm sorry dad, I was walking around the neighbourhood and made some new friends that I didn't realized my phone was out of battery." He purposely skips the accident part not to add his dad worries. "I knew how much you love the old neighbourhood and I'm sorry that we had to move but I'm glad you got to make a new friend Sho" "It's okay dad, I know you did it for me." They first move to Chiba from Gunma two years ago during his second year junior high when his father was promoted to general manager at his company branch there.

 

His father always prioritised his studies and manage to transfer him to his current school which is one of the top high school in Chiba but their previous house which was provided by the company was too far from it. He had to travel more than one hour to school but Sho is happy since his neighbours are nice and he can get along well with most of them. However, his father insisted to find a new house which is nearer to his school and they finally manage to find a comfortable house for both although for Sho, the two stories house was too big for the two of them. His father wanted him to have enough rest especially he started his first year as a senior high schooler

 

Masaki beamed as soon as he saw his mum walking towards their house back from her work. His father passed away 10 years ago due to cancer and since then both Masaki and his mum moved in to stay with his maternal grandparents. His mum run her own pastry shop which located 15 minutes away from their house by car. The income from the shop is what they used for their daily life while the money that was left by his late father used for Masaki education. Masaki was grateful, unlike most kids from single parents, he didn't have to worry neither about money nor lack love or attention because his mother was always by his side and his grandparents always there to ensure he gets all the loves and attentions when his mum is working. "You look so happy today?" His mum asked. "I've met a new friend who just moved to the other corner." "He must be cute to make you happy" His mum teased. His mother knew too well of his sexual preference and he always thankful that his family accept him as he is and always supported him. "He is cute and nice, but it was nothing of what you are imagining right now" Masaki stand beside his mum and link their arms to walk home.

 

"Yo!" Masaki waived his hand as soon as he saw Sho out of his house. Sho heart flutters seeing the other guy waiting for him although they never make a promise. "How long have you been waiting?" Sho asked. "Not so long, I just got here." Masaki lied, didn't want to show his eagerness. Since they first met two days ago, he was attracted to get to know the other guy better. He feels comfortable to be with him and since their house are nearby and their school on the same way, it will be great if they can be a good friend or maybe more than a friend, but it was too early to think about it. They walked together to the bus stop and saw Nino was already there waiting for them. "So, we have a new gang here. It will be great if we are in the same school." Nino high five both. Strangely, Sho didn't feel awkward around them although they just knew each other for two days. Nino is a bratty gamer and Masaki is an airhead sportsman, but they are warm and Sho felt as if they had known them for a long time. Nino is two year his junior while Masaki is one-year junior from him. Since then Sho daily routine changed. The three of them are so different yet there are similar in a way. Every morning Masaki will wait for him in front of his house and they walked together to meet Nino at the bus stop. Both will wait for Sho at his school bus stop after school to go back together. Three of them always hang out together. Sho also helps them with their studies since he is the cleverest and the senior among them. Sometimes they crashed at Sho house whenever his father needs to be outstation for work. Sho is never lonely with both around.


	3. The First Meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will tell how each of them first meet.

**1\. Mr Sakurai & Mrs Aiba – Spring, 5 years ago**.

After his meeting at second branch office, he decided to go to the bakery that was recommended by the staff to buy few breads back for Sho. He fell in love with that bakery bread when he ate it during their breaks this morning. A middle-aged lady which about the same age as he welcomed him when he entered the shop. She was arranging freshly baked melon bread in the tray. The smell made him hungry despite of the heavy lunch and late tea break during the meeting. “I would love to buy 4 pieces of that melon breads” he told the lady. She smiled and put the breads as per order in another tray, when asked if he needs anything else, “I’m not sure, maybe you can recommend me a nice bread that will make my 16 years old son happy” he replied. The lady recommended chocolate croissant and some eclairs.

“What about your wife? Don’t you want to buy anything for her? I can recommend you some of our breads which are the housewives’ favourite” the lady said. However, when Mr Sakurai said it were only him and his son at home, the lady understood and just smile “so he was another doting single parent with a son like me” Mrs Aiba whispered in her heart while her mind thinking of her son who always happy when he ate the bread that she baked. She hoped her bread will also bring a smile to that father’s son.

 

Sho loves the breads, the taste was good, and he asked his dad to buy the breads for him again whenever he passed by the bakery again. He finished almost everything within 30 minutes except for the eclairs which he kept in their fridge. He looks at the box “Ai Bakery” the name sounds familiar, but he can’t remember where he heard it. Since then, Mr Sakurai never failed to buy any breads for his son whenever he went to second branch for meeting and became the bakery loyal customer. He also found out the middle-aged lady is the baker and the owner of bakery. He met the lady’s son once and surprised to find out she is a widow. He can relate to it since he is also a single parent and his son was a year older than that lady’s son.

 

**2\. Ninomiya Kazunari & Ohno Satoshi – Summer, 5 years ago**

“What is the point of us coming here if you just sit in the room and play your game?” Masaki started to nag. It was their first summer holiday after knowing Sho. The had promised to spend it together and decided to start with spending the first three nights touring Kyoto but as lazy as always, Nino preferred to stay in the room with his game console especially with hot weather. Masaki had to nag him and force him out of the room to join them.

He went closer and whispered to Masaki ears, “just be honest, you want me to come because your heart will jump if you are alone with Sho right?” Masaki felt hotter, Nino knows him too well. “Fine! Up to you if you want to stay in the room.” Masaki exited the room as soon as possible to avoid Sho looking at his blushed face. Sho who was confused, followed behind him while glancing at Nino with “come on let’s go” look. Nino gave up, left his game console on the sofa in the room and follow Sho out of the room.

 

They went to Arashiyama and was mesmerised with the nice view of the village and slowly walk to the bamboo forest. Not only the locals, there were a lot of tourist enjoying the scenery and capturing it with their cameras too. The three of them posed happily to capture their memories of this trip. Sho almost bump to Nino when the latter who walked in front of him suddenly stop like a car suddenly pulled it break. Both Masaki and Sho looked at the object or more correctly, the person that made Nino stop his moves. It was a guy, a short slim guy wearing a cap and he was painting something on the canvas. Nino followed the movement of his long fingers whenever he moved his brush. The guy was so focus that he didn’t realized the three guys were looking at him and for Nino that guy side view was breath taking. “He is cute” that was the only things out of Nino’s mouth before he went to approach that guy after staring at him for fifteen minutes.

“Does this mean Nino fell in love with the guy?” Sho asked Masaki. They tried to stop Nino but were too late when Nino was already an inch away from the painting guy. “I think so and I hope he won’t cause any trouble” Masaki replied. They followed Nino but stop a few steps away from them.

“So, you almost finished it? Hmm the painting looks good, as good as the one who painted it” Ohno was shocked to hear the comment. He was focused to finish his painting that he didn’t realized someone was beside him.

“Excuse me!” Ohno replied and looked at his painting commentator. It was a guy, a cute guy with a nice hazel eyes and long lashes was looking at him. His thin lips were smiling at Ohno and that guy remind him of a cute little puppy.

“Hi! I’m Ninomiya Kazunari, you can call me Nino and I think I like your painting as much as I like you so can we be friends? Maybe?” Ohno was taken aback by that guy straight forward attitude but surprisingly he didn’t hate it when he was always awkward with strangers.

“Ohno Satoshi, you can call me Ohno” Ohno replied with a smile that caused Nino’s heartbeats increased 50% than normal and shook his hand.

“How long did you take to paint this? It is really good.” Nino asked.

“I’ve started it yesterday. Are you alone?” Ohno asked.

“Oh! That’s fast. Unfortunately, I’m not alone, my two friends are there waiting to save me if I were to cause any trouble” Nino pointed at his two friends and called them to come nearer.

They introduced each other and both Masaki and Sho praised Ohno painting which made Ohno blushed because he is not used to be praised. They invited Ohno to join them, but he refused since Ohno still need some time to finish the last touch of his painting. Nino was disappointed since he was hoping to get to know the guy better. He was sure that he fell for Ohno at the first sight.

“I can join you tomorrow if you want” Ohno said. “Great! Give me your phone” Nino took Ohno’s phone from his hand and dialled his own number before save it in Ohno’s contact as Cute Nino. Both Sho and Masaki shook their head.

“Call me tonight and we will meet tomorrow” Ohno nodded their head and they left him to continue with his painting.

“He looks like a good guy Nino, it’s better to stop if you just want to fool around” Masaki reminded him.

“Who said I’m fooling around? For god sake, I’m serious Masaki. I think I’ve met the right one for me.” Nino replied happily.

 

As promised, Ohno joined them the following day after talking on the phone with Nino the night before. Ohno is an art student from Tokyo and a year older than Sho. He came to Kyoto to visit a friend and paint for his summer holiday project. Ohno like painting and fishing as a hobby. When he heard fishing, Nino told him right away about his seasickness.

“It’s fine we can always fish off shore” Ohno replied as if telling him that they will go fishing together in the future. Four of them spent their time together for the next two night till it was time for them to go back to Chiba. Ohno will spent one more night in Kyoto with his friend since he had spent the past days with them.

Ohno sent them to the train station. Nino smiled to cover his sadness although they had promised to keep in touch. It was fun to be with Ohno although he is a man with a few words, but Nino felt calm when Ohno was with him. Both Masaki and Sho board the train first to give Nino and Ohno sometimes to say good bye.

“I guess we have to say good bye now. It was fun to be with you. Keep in touch” Nino said and held out his hand but instead of shaking his hand, Ohno handed him an A4 envelope.

“This… is for you. I hope you like it and we… hmm… I hope we can meet again” Ohno said. Although he was tan, Nino can see how shy he was. Nino nod his head and hug the other. He can feel Ohno stiffen in his arms.

“I’m going to miss you.” He whispered to Ohno ears and board the train. They waived at each other till Ohno was out of his sight. He opened the envelope and was surprised to see his portrait was nicely drawn along with a letter from Ohno.

 

 **_Dear Nino_ **  
**_Sorry, as you can see from past few days I am not someone who is good with words._ **

**_I_ ** **_’m sorry to write this when I didn’t even know if you like guys? if you find this letter_ **

**_disgusting you can throw it away. Nino, I like you and I want to know you but I’m not_ **

**_sure if you like me. Please reply if you want to know me too. I will come to Chiba during_ **

**_the end of summer. If I didn’t receive any reply from you I will assume that you don’t like me,_ **

**_and I will never contact you again._ **

**_Ohno Satoshi._ **

 

Tears in his eyes, so he was not the only one.

“It will be good if you reply him as soon as possible before he got the wrong idea” Masaki voice shocked him. He was engrossed with the portrait and letter that he didn’t realized both Sho and Masaki peek at him from the back seat.

“Oh! Shut up Masaki” Nino heard both guys giggling behind his back. He took out his phone to message Ohno. He didn’t want to wait any longer.

Ohno felt his phone vibrated. He thought it was his friend asking him where to meet but when he saw the sender’s name, it made him nervous. He finds a seat and took a deep breath to calm himself before he opened the message.

 

 ** _From Nino:_**  
[ I’m waiting for you at Chiba at the end of summer]

The message was short but meaningful. Ohno type a reply carefully to ensure he didn’t look desperate.

 _ **From Ohno:**_  
[ I will be there as I promised. Let me know once you reached home safely]

 

Nino smiled happily reading Ohno reply. Yes, he must wait but at least they can talk on the phone till they meet again at the end of summer. He sent a quick message to their line group for the three of them.

 

 _ **Nino:**_ Thank You both of you for forcing me out of the room that day😂  
**_Masaki:_** I’m glad you found other love than your game😘  
_**Sho:**_ All the best to your love🤞

And they fell asleep as the train moved to their destination.

 

 _**3.Matsumoto Jun & Sakurai Sho – Autumn, 5 years ago.** _  
_**Second term of first senior year** _

It was their first day at school after their first summer holiday as a senior. Everyone was excited talking about what they did during the holiday. For Sho, it was the best summer for him since he was not alone and spent most of the time hanging out with Nino, Aiba and Nino's new boyfriend, Ohno Satoshi.

Both Ohno and Nino were smitten to each other and fell in love at first sight when the three of them went for a trip to a hot spring in Kyoto. Ohno like Nino so much that he came and spent the last two weeks of summer holiday with them in Chiba to get to know Nino better. He never knew Nino likes guy and he wondered if Masaki too? He fell more and more for that guy while spending their times together and he got to learn more about him during the trip.

He realised how Masaki is so clumsy and air headed but at the same time stubborn when he thinks he is right. He hardly gets angry but when he was, it won’t be long for him to smile again. Unlike Nino and Ohno, he was shy to confess, and he don’t want Masaki to waste his time with love when it was his final year of junior high. He has more important task to focus on than starting their love story.

It's been a while since Sho truly enjoyed his summer holidays as previously he would only spent it at his Aunt's place to spent time with his cousin brother in Tokyo or stay home alone while his father worked. His Aunt is the only relative of his mother that he is close to and the only one who stayed in Japan. Another aunt had migrated to German with her family after his grandparents passed away.

 

Everyone back to their seat to give their greetings when their homeroom teacher, Muraoka sensei, came in with a transfer student. It was weird to transfer in second term but Sho believed the boy had his reason to transfer to their school at that time.

Muraoka sensei was an excellent teacher and was a student of that school. He was always proud to be the Homeroom teacher for the class that filled with top students. Although they are only in their first year of their high school, they already know the path that they want to lead for their life.

As much as he is proud of them, he is hoping that they are also interested in other non-academic’s activities. Ironically, despite his outstanding academic achievement, Muraoka sensei is the advisor of the soccer club of the school due to his experience in soccer during his high school. It was a bit disappointed when only 3 students from his class were in the club else the other were more focus on academic clubs like languages or science related clubs.

The new student started to introduce himself when asked. “Hi! My name is Matsumoto Jun, you can call me Jun. I lived in America since I was five years old and now we had just moved back during the summer due to my father’s job. I hope we can get along well. おねがいします”Jun was asked to sit at the empty seat beside Sho. With his good pan Asian looks, smart brain and great muscle as a sportsman, made Jun a new prince in the school. Not only girls even guys were attracted to him.

“No wonder he was new hit in your school. Even the girls in our schools were talking about him. You are lucky Sho” Said Nino after Sho introduced Jun to them. “Yes, I’m lucky to have a famous and handsome friend like him, but he is not my type.” Sho said nonchalantly that made Masaki jumped in his heart.

He was nervous when he first met Jun, scared he might be his rival but Sho declaration put him at ease. He promised himself to confess to Sho after his graduation.

 

_**4\. Sakurai & Aiba Family – Winter, 5 years ago** _

They were just back from accompanied Nino to look for Ohno’s birthday gift when Masaki suggested them to dropped by his mum’s bakery to enjoy some breads before they went home. Nino left earlier, as soon as he got the perfect gift for his boyfriend since he had promised to have dinner with his family. Nino was scared if he missed tonight dinner, he won’t be allowed to meet Ohno on his birthday the day after tomorrow.

Sho agreed not only because of Masaki but also to forget the confession that he received from Jun earlier at school. They barely knew each other for two months and his heart is filled with the guy in front of him now.

“Sho! I like you, will you go out with me?” Jun question shocked him. Yes, they were close but not till that level.

“Sorry, I can’t.” He replied.

“Why? Because I’m a guy?” Jun asked back

“No! There is someone that I like, and I wished to get to know him more” Sho replied sincerely.

“Is that person Masaki?” Sho was surprised to hear the name but put a poker face upfront.

“I don’t think we are close enough for me to answer that question” Sho replied and left. He felt bad, but he didn’t want to give a false hope. He was sad thinking if he had to lose a friend because of this but as soon as he saw Masaki and heard his laugh, he can’t help to laugh along with him. Being with Masaki always made him happy.

 

“Dad!” Sho was surprised to see his father there talking to a lady whom he assumed is Masaki’s mother. Sho glanced at the shop name and realised this is the bakery where the delicious breads that his father always brought home came from. No wonder the name sounds familiar to him.

“This is your father? Wait, both of your surname is Sakurai... Stupid me, I never thought of he might be your father even when I knew we stay nearby” Masaki laughed.

“So, both of you know each other? This is my son and my pride, Sakurai Sho.” His father introduced him to Masaki’s mother. He never had a chance to meet Masaki’s mother since she always back late and likewise his dad always work late or out station when Masaki came to hang out at their house with Nino. Sho bowed politely to greet her.

“Yes, Masaki is my new friend in the neighbourhood that I told you before. He and Nino always accompany me when you were out station.” Sho explained and turned to Masaki,

“You met my dad before?” Sho asked happily.

“Yes, your father is our regular customer, he always came to buy our breads because he said his son loves them. If I know it is you, I would have brought it for you myself.” Masaki replies made him shy. Masaki really care about him. Sho know Masaki felt the same as him, but he was too shy to say it out and waited for Masaki to make the first move since he is the bold one. “It is really such a small world.” Everyone agreed to Mrs Aiba remarks.

 

The four of them sat on a table enjoying the bread with hot coffee made by Masaki, the most delicious coffee for Sho. “Even my dad’s coffee was not as good as the coffee that you made.” His dad stared at him with narrowed eyes at his remarks.

“I should ask Masaki for his secret then.” Everyone laughed at Mr Sakurai response.

 

They talk about a lot of things but mainly on how Sho and Masaki became friends along with Nino and how much they helped Sho in adapting to the new neighbourhood and environment.

“I’m glad you are with him, Masaki. Thank you and I’m happy to see Sho was not lonely when I must work late or outstations. I hope you will always take care of him for me.” Sho father is sincerely thankful for that.

“You don’t have to worry about that Sakurai-san, Sho is my best friend and I will always care for him.” Although Masaki said best friend, but he understood the meaning behind it when Masaki said the words while looking directly at him. He knew Masaki did it for him. Although he did give out some clues about his liking, Sho never once admitted it upfront that he likes guy more than girls and he never came out to his father too. Masaki is not only a clumsy guy but a considerate guy too which made him fell deeper in his love for him but when he turned to look at his dad, there was something in his dad eyes that made him nervous.

 

 

**“I hope I’m WRONG?”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess at this time you will be able to guess the reason of their drift


	4. The truth hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When what they scared of becoming into reality

 

 

As much as he wanted to ignore, as much as he wanted to believe he was wrong, the happiness in his father’s eyes caused undescribed pain in his heart. He felt suffocate in this situation. Whenever both families met and eating together, his father was always smiled brightly something which had been missing since his parents divorced. His father’s eyes always filled with love whenever he looked at her. After all the hardships his father went through while raising him as a single parent, Sho had always wanted his father to find his happiness but why must it be her. Sho is fine with anyone else but her and his father questions one night, confirming what he hoped was wrong and what he wished was a nightmare was becoming into reality.

 

“Sho! What do you think if you have a new mother?” His father asked while he was watching the news on Tv. His heart clenched but he tried to calm himself. He switched off the TV and turned to his father. “Do you have someone that you like?” Pretending innocent when he clearly known the candidate of his new mum.

 

“Hmm, there is someone I felt comfortable with, but I want to know your opinion first. I don’t want to force you to accept someone if you don’t want to.” How can Sho say no when even now his father put Sho first before his own desire unlike his mum, who announced her wedding one week before the big day. “I’m fine as long it will make you happy dad. Even mum is happy with her new family. I’m a big boy now and it is time for you to fine your happiness.” His father hugged him and whispered a thank you to his ears.

 

Sho excused himself to go to his room but stopped when he heard his father question, “Tomorrow is Masaki graduation, are you going to meet him?” It was too painful for Sho to hear that name. “Yes! We are going to celebrated it with Nino and Satoshi.” Sho replied. “I’m glad both of you get along well. He is a nice boy.” He felt his heart was stabbed by his father’s word. “Yes, he is a nice boy and I like him a lot.” His father just smiled at his reply.

 

Every step to his room felt heavier than usual. He was sure his father understanding of his like was totally opposite of what he meant. Hi phone vibrated signalling a new message came in.

 

**From Masaki:**

_[Let’s go to the beach after lunch tomorrow. I need to talk to you]_

 

The tears which he had been holding finally fell. It was too painful for him. He knew too well what Masaki wanted to talk about but how could he accept him now when his dad finally found his happiness. It was the first time Sho finally opened his heart for someone, but it had to end before it was even started. “Masaki!” the only word he managed to say as the tears kept falling till he felt asleep.

 

Sho waived his hand and tried to smile as much as possible. It was Masaki big day and he don’t want to hurt him when they just meet to celebrate his graduation. Nino and Satoshi backed out of their plan at the last minute, saying they need to run errands but Sho knew it well that both are trying to give Masaki and himself sometimes alone.

 

“Thank you for coming Sho, I’m glad you came.” Sho smiled “I’m glad to be here too” both went to the family restaurant where the first had dinner together. Masaki told him how much he was disappointed that he failed the entrance exam to transfer to the same senior high school as Sho. “I think I was really not meant to be in a school for those clever kids like you.” Sho smiled and told him its okay but in his heart, he was disappointed and glad at the same time. He was disappointed because he didn’t get a chance to be closer with him but glad as it may hurt less when they both can't start the relationship which they are hoping for.

 

As promised they went to the beach after their lunch. It was cold in the winter but the scenery in front of them calmed his heart. He had memorised a lot of different scenarios on how he wanted to confess his love to Sho. He even practiced it few times with Nino but when Sho is in front of him, he was speechless. Sho broke the silence while Masaki was still thinking how to start the conversation.

 

“Masaki, Thank you.” Masaki never expected to hear a thank you from Sho that day. “Thank You for?’ Masaki asked. “For everything. I was lonely when I first came here and then I met you and Nino. You help me a lot to adapt my new life here. Before it was always lonely since it were always me and my dad only, but now you are there for me. I’m happy and I’m glad to meet you, you are like a brother that I never had.” Sho realised the surprised and disappointed looks on Masaki face when he mentioned the word brother. Even his heart pained when he mentioned it, but it was the best rather than rejecting Masaki after hearing his confession.

 

“Brother?” Masaki asked. “Yes! You are my best friend and my brother. I can’t imagine how I’m able to adapt to my new life here without you.” Sho tried to sound as happy as he can, holding his tears from falling.

 

Masaki was disappointed, he was wrong, Sho didn’t felt the same way as him. He decided not to confess. Sho is too precious for Masaki to lose him. He didn’t want Sho to run away from him. Although it was painful, he will try to accept so he can still stand by Sho side. “I’m thankful to know you too and I hope we will always be close together” Both were looking at the desolated state of Makuhari Beach right in front of them which you can only see during the winter. It was gloomy despite the alive atmosphere during the summer.

 

Masaki reached home when it was almost time for dinner after he walk Sho to his house. He hates to admit that the atmosphere became awkward after they visited the beach. Even now his heart was pained, his love was rejected before he could even confess his feeling. His mother and grandparents waited for him. His mum cooked his favourite mapo tofu for a small celebration with his family. “So, you had fun with Sho?” His mum asked after the dinner while he was watching his favourite cartoon Shin-chan on Asahi TV. “Yes, we went for lunch and I brought him to Makuhari beach.” He smiled brightly as always, he didn’t want to worry his mum for his unhappiness. “I’m glad both of you are getting along well.” Masaki smile at his mum. “Yes, he said I’m like a brother that he never had and I’m glad to know him mama” He turned his head back to the TV and took a sip of the orange juice, so his mum wouldn’t see the tears in his eyes.

 

Nino felt sad for his best friend. He thought Sho felt the same and he believed he was not wrong in judging Sho’s action and the way he looked at Masaki. “Well maybe we were wrong so let just observed, who knows if Masaki’s love is sincere, one day it will open Sho’s heart to accept his love.” Nino hoped and prayed what his boyfriend said will come true till weeks later when he realized his prayer may never came true.

 

Masaki was happy when his mother told him that she found someone who she loves. He had always hoped for his mother to marry again. Well he did miss the feeling of having a father but more than his desire, he wanted his mum to have her happiness back. His mum always said she is happy with having Masaki by her side, but he always knew how lonely she was. At first, he was worried if they can’t accept him as who he is and it may be a hindrance for his mother to find a new love, but his mother ensured him that the man is fine with who he is because he know Masaki is a good guy.

 

They were on their way to meet his future father, when he saw a glimpse of Sho entering the same restaurant where he supposed to meet the man. Its been a month since he started his first senior year and they hardly meet, they hardly get to go to school and went back from school together. It was like that before, but they did meet sometime at night or hang out during weekend but not now. Although Sho said he was busy because of the new semester, he can’t help to feel that the other was avoiding him. “Oh God, please tell me it was not true, it was not what I thought of” Masaki prayed in his heart but the moment he saw both the father and son at the dining table, his heart dropped, why God was unfair to him?

 

“Masaki are you okay?” Mr Sakurai asked. “Yes, I’m fine, I was just a bit surprised” He tried his best to give the best smile. Sho didn’t speak much and only joined in when needed. Masaki wondered if he knew about this earlier since Sho didn’t look surprised at all. “We are sorry to shock you with this news. As much as we wanted us to be a family, we would want to listen to your opinion. If both of you can’t agree to this marriage, we won’t proceed with it.” Both parents look at their sons earnestly hoping for their honest reply.

 

From the moment they were introduced as the future new family members, Sho realized how Masaki tried his best to show his happiest smile but Sho can see the sadness and confusion in his eyes. It was reflecting his own feeling right now. He believed, just like him, Masaki was torn between his love to Sho and his love to his mother. Just like Sho, Masaki loves his mother so much and want her to be happy. They were in pained but they can’t say no when their parents finally found their happiness after struggling to raise them by themselves.

 

“As long you will be happy, I’m fine dad and I know Mrs Aiba and Masaki well. Masaki is like a brother who I never had and now he will be my brother for real. I’m thankful and happy for you dad.” Sho was the first to reply. Yes, he lied but if that lie would give happiness to his father he would repeat it thousands of time.

 

Once again, his heart pained stabbed by Sho’s words. Once again Sho proved he was wrong to think that Sho loves him. “For me too, if mama will be happy, I will be happy too. Sakurai-san, please take a good care of her, she suffered a lot to raise me. Although she had always hide it, but I know there were times when she cried, when it was too hard on her. I felt bad because there was nothing I can do for her, so I hope you will make her happy and she won’t cry again. But I have a request which I really hope both you and mama agreed.”

 

The three pairs of eyes were on him. “I want to stay as Aiba” his request was simple but enough to shock the other three. “Masaki, do you mean you don’t want to adopt my family name?” Both his mother and Sho’s father looked disappointed but he had to do this.

 

“Don’t get me wrong uncle, mama, it is not I hate you in fact, I’m happy someone as a good as you to be my father, but I also love my birth father although the time I spent with him was short and this name was the only thing that tied me to him.” “I understand it Masaki and I never think of making you forget about him when we became a family. But do you think it is a good idea? I don’t want others to think that I’m favouring my own son over you or I can’t accept you as my son.” Masaki understood what Sho’s father meant. Human words can be scary and more painful than knives.

 

“I understood your worry uncle but I’m the only son of my father and the only grandson of the Aiba family. Although, they had been asking mama to find her happiness and will be happy for her, I didn’t want to hurt my grandparents feeling and let them feel as if they are losing me with this marriage.” Masaki looked at his mother asking for her understanding.

 

That may be one of the reasons since his uncle only have a daughter now. Masaki had disappointed his father’s family when he told them he was a gay. He was thankful they accepted it and never blamed his mother for his choice, but he doesn’t wish to hurt them further with the change of his family name. However, his main reason was he can’t bear to share the same surname as Sho as his brother.

 

“Dad! I don’t think we need to care about what others think as long we are together and accept each other as part of the family it will be fine. I agreed with Masaki, we shouldn’t made others unhappy with our happiness. I’ve always known Masaki always considerate of others and now I can’t be prouder than this to have him as my brother even if our family names are different.” Sho was also hoping their parents will agree as he believed he had the same reason as Masaki but he can’t say it thus he was thankful when Masaki voiced up.

 

Both of their parents finally agreed to it. The wedding will be one month later. As it was their second marriage, they will only register their marriage and has a small gathering between the two families. It took a lot of courage for both of Sho and Masaki to smile and laughed throughout the dinner when their hearts cried in pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for late update although I've promised to update it soon. Im not sure how many more chapter but I hope both will have a happy ends


	5. It’s hurts just to see each other.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding went smoothly and now they live in the same house

The gathering went smoothly as planned. Everyone even from Masaki's late father's family came and wishes them happiness. Masaki mum had brought Sho' s dad to meet his paternal grandparents two weeks ago to introduce him and asked for their blessing. They were happy for her and they were so glad that Sakurai-san allowed Masaki to keep their family name. As much as he was happy for his mother, Masaki can’t stop the pain in his heart. He was laughing in sadness. 

 

Aiba:  
Since the day they met in the restaurant a month ago, he can clearly see how Sho had been trying to avoid him. Both Masaki and his mum had slowly moved their things to Sho house, but they hardly see each other. Sho even request a separate room for Masaki when they always slept in Sho's room when they hang out together before. Even when Sho was around, he would help without any words and when they talked Sho always avoided any eye contact with him. He wondered why? But Sho always denied it whenever Masaki asked him why. 

 

Sho:  
It was already a month since both of their parents got married. Masaki and his mum moved in to their house. All Masaki's stuff started to be delivered to his house one week before the wedding. As much as he misses Masaki, he tries his best to avoid him since he was his younger brother. It was too painful to see him in front of his eyes. Masaki had been asking him why he avoided him, but he can only deny it. How can he tell him the truth that looking at him was painful for him? It will be more hurting for Masaki if he knew Sho had the same feeling as him. 

 

Sho fathers decided to bring the family to Hakone for a family trip or more correctly their long-postponed honeymoon due to his father's work. Masaki was hoping to spend sometimes alone with Sho at home and let their parents enjoyed their honeymoon by themselves. Sho agreed to it although he doesn’t seem to welcome that idea at first. However, when Sho suggested Nino and Satoshi to join them, Masaki knows they was no way for them to talk comfortably alone.

 

Their parents left as soon as the sunrise. They had breakfast together in an awkward silence and Masaki hated that the most. He stomped his chopsticks on the table which shocked Sho who was still half asleep since he stayed up late last night to finish his homework. “If you were not happy to eat with me or even to stay at the same house as me just tell me up front. You don’t have to force yourself. I can always go back to my grandparents house, so you don’t have to avoid me” Masaki left his bowl at the sink, his appetite gone. He walked out of the kitchen to go up back to his room. 

 

A strong grip on his hand stopped him, he tried to free it, but the grip was stronger. Sho stood up and hugged him. He felt sad to hurt him “I’m sorry, I’m not avoiding you but I’m busy with my studies” Once again he lied to him but if his lie would calmed Masaki than he will lied for him even if he was sent to hell. “I hated it when you are far from me, I hated it when you didn’t talk to me” He felt his shoulder was wet with Masaki tears. It hurt him to see Masaki cried but he was not sure what he needs to do when they were entangled in that relationship. For once, he regretted asking his father to keep buying the bread for him else his father won’t meet Masaki mother and seeing that tears, for once he regretted to say yes to their parent’s marriage. 

“I’m sorry for hurting you and I don’t hate you. How can I hate you when you are the only brother that I have” once again he mentioned it, as if Sho tried to remind him of their new relationship and Masaki hated it but it was a fact of who they are now? Sho didn’t only said it for Masaki but also to remind himself and his heart which was fighting against his mind. His heart was in pain seeing the tears and he needed a lot of control of his heart not to confess his love to his step brother. Masaki didn’t reply him but continued to cry till he was calmed in his embraced. 

 

They ended up sleeping by snuggling to each other like before on Sho’s bed. Sho was the first to wake up. Although it was just a few hours, he felt refreshed because he was with Masaki. They used to sleep together before he knew about theirl parents although they never did more that snuggling to each other. Masaki always warm and he felt love when he was by his side, but he knew it had to stop now. Masaki was no longer his best friend or the guy whom he loved but he is his brother, his only brother that he needed to protect but he ended hurting Masaki like a jerk.

 

He went to the kitchen to wash the dishes that they left just now. Masaki was calmed now but it may happen again as long they were still in the same house and it was hard to forget his love when they were together. For now, he was hoping that both Nino and Ohno will reached soon so they won’t be alone. 

 

Masaki woke up when he heard noise from downstairs and he quickly recognized all the voices. His friends must reach when he was asleep. He can’t remember when he felt asleep, but he remembered clearly how he was snuggling to Sho still in tears and his brother was patting his back to calm him. Brother? He hated that word the most more than anything else in this world although he used to be jealous of his friends with siblings.

 

“Finally, our sleeping beauty is up” Nino shouted when he saw Masaki came down to join them in the living room. He went to hug his best friend. “Oh! Shut up” Masaki retorted but didn’t rejected the hug. Nino saw his swollen eyes “are you okay?” He whispered to Masaki ear and his best friend just nodded his head, so he didn’t ask further. 

 

Their days went smoothly as if they are back to the period before the marriage, where all of them crashed at Sho’s house when his father went out station and Satoshi will travel all the way to Chiba to join them. They will be together for three days and two nights and what happened on the last night scared Sho. 

 

It was their last night together since their parents will be back tomorrow evening. Nino brought out the cans of beer that he quietly brought from home. It was not the first time they sneakily drank together, and they only did it once in a blue moon at home when there gathered since all of them were still underage. Unlike the night before where four of them slept together in Sho’s room, Nino and Ohno slept in Masaki room while Masaki slept with Sho. They stopped when both Nino and Masaki started to show the symptoms of a drunk man. Ohno and Sho help the others up to their respective rooms. Sho didn’t drank much while Ohno had high tolerance of alcohol so they were still more sobered than the other two. 

 

Things were fine till they heard moans from Masaki’s room. They were much aware of how far Nino amd Ohno had gone in their relationship but hearing them from the next room was a new experience for them. With alcohol still have their influenced on them, made both Sho and Masaki restless. Although Masaki still half asleep, he started to move restlessly on the bed and his member accidentally touched Sho thigh. Sho felt the desire burning inside him that made it difficult for him to be rational when his own was asking for attention. Masaki started to rub his own member with closed eyes. 

 

The view in front of him was not helping along with Masaki’s sexy moans made Sho went crazy. Before he could think, he claimed the other lips in passionate and lustful kiss. When Masaki responded to it and gave him access it made him demand for more. Sho guided Masaki hand to his member while his hand moved to Masaki’s, giving each other hand job. Sho know what they did were wrong but the pleasure he felt took away all the rational in his mind. 

 

Aiba was surprised when he felt the soft lips on him. He was drunk but not too drunk till he didn’t realise what they did. He knew it was wrong, but he wanted this. The moment when he had all Sho’s attention, the pleasure that he always dreamt of with Sho. This may be the only time for him and he didn’t want it to stop. Whatever will happen in future, he just wanted to enjoy the pleasure to its fullest. Without him realised, a small tear fell on him cheek.

 

Sho looked at the cums on their hands and he felt guilty. He saw a tear in the other eyes and asked himself what he had done. All his effort to forget will be wasted and at worst it will hurt Masaki more than what he did now. He went to the bathroom and came back with wet towel to clean his brother and that was when Masaki opened his eyes. He saw Sho’s glistening eyes and he knew Sho felt guilty about it. He gripped Sho wrist when the elder wanted to leave the bed. “I’m Sorry!” Sho said without looking at him. “There is nothing for you to be sorry Sho, it not like we had sex, it was just a hand job” Masaki tried to calm him “Still, it was wrong for me to do it to my brother when I was supposed to protect you.” He freed himself from Masaki grip and went to lock himself in the study room. 

 

He cried his eyes out regretting his actions. He blamed himself for allowing the alcohol to take control of his mind or maybe he was just finding an excuse for a self-pity after he failed to control himself. In his room, Masaki too was crying. He too blamed himself for what happened. He blamed himself for allowing it to happen when things were started to get better between them after their argument the other day. He hated it why his mum had to fall in love with Sho father or why he had to fall in love with Sho. He hated it how much he enjoyed the pleasure when he knows Sho just regarded him as his brother and now he was not sure how will it be for them. 

 

6 months later

 

As days goes by, it became harder for Sho to ignore his feeling. He felt bad for pretending in front of their parents as if they were the best brothers when he knew Masaki was hurting too. They were a lot of times when he wanted to run to Masaki and embraced him. He missed his touch. He missed his warmness and the feeling when Masaki’s two soft lips on his. He knows he need to do something to stop it, but he was lost till one night when he accidentally overheard Masaki’s phone conversation with Nino.

 

“It drove me crazy Nino, I don’t know what to do. Although we were laughing, I can feel Sho drifted apart from me. It was painful especially when I was still deep in love with him. I love him so much to see him as my brother.” Sho ended up returning to his room instead of going to the bathroom. He was a mess and he made Masaki suffered. When he can’t forget about that night even after months, how can he assumed Masaki can forget about it. He had thought of a solution but the thought of not looking at him made Sho miserable but after he over heard that conversation, maybe it was the best for both. Maybe when he was out of sight, it will be easier for Masaki to forget him. Its fine for him to suffer but he can’t bear to see Masaki in pain. 

 

Like a thunderbolt, Masaki can’t believe what he just heard. Sho will be moving to his aunt’s place in Tokyo and will commute from there to school when the new semester started. Their parents were surprised too but when Sho mentioned it was for his studies and preparation to enter his dream university, his parents agreed to it. 

 

Sho was not surprised to see Masaki in his room. He had prepared his heart for this. “You don’t seem surprised to see me in your room” Masaki said sarcastically. “If you want to talk about my move, I have nothing else to say.” Sho answered him nonchalantly and it hurt Masaki. “Why?” Masaki asked again. “Like I said just now, it for my studies. You know I will be in my final senior year and you know how much I wanted to study in that University, my cousin brother is one of the top students in his batch and he had agreed to help me with my studies.” Sho explained still with his nonchalant attitude and he didn’t even look at Masaki even once which hurt Masaki the most. 

 

“Don’t lie to me Sho, I know you wanted to move to avoid me. You still feel guilty about that night. If that’s the case, you don’t have to move. I will move back to grandparent’s house. You don’t have to be the bad boy to leave your father alone.” Sho was angry because Masaki’s words hit the bullseyes. He pulled Masaki closer. “I’ve told you it not what you think and whether you like it or not, I will leave as per planned.” Seeing the anger and determination in Sho’s eyes, Masaki knew he can’t change the other’s mind. He slammed the door and left the room.  
Once again, he cried in his room because of Sho. Sho knows Masaki was hurt but he believes this was the best for both.

 

Masaki heard the soft knock on his door and he knew it was his mum. His parents must heard it when he slammed the door. She sat closer to him on his bed. “Do you fight with Sho?” Masaki nodded his head. “You don’t want him to go?” he nodded his head again. His mum hugged him to her embraced. "I know you were shocked, and we are too but we must respect his decision and he will be back during holiday. Even if you miss him so much we can always visit him in Tokyo. It is just an hour from here.” Masaki didn’t reply but continue to cry in his mum’s arms. 

 

As planned, Sho moved to his aunt’s apartment a week before the new semester started and his aunt’s family were happy to have him with them especially his cousin brother. He had always regarded Sho as his own brother since both were lonely as an only child. His cousin was the only one who knows that he was a gay and in love with Masaki. “So, I guess it was too unbearable for you to be here?” His cousin asked. Sho nodded his head, “this is the best, so he can forget about me and moved on.” However, his cousin doesn’t seem to agree with him. “I’m not sure if it will work as I can see how much he loves you during the wedding. Both of you had the same gloomy faces although both of you tried so hard to show the happiness.” Sho didn’t replied but in his heart, he was hoping Masaki will forget him as soon as possible.

 

His father came to his aunt’s place to fetch him to school on the first day of the new term. His father didn’t really agree to his plan since it took almost one hour for him to travel from his aunt’s house in Chiyoda Tokyo to Inage on top of a walking distance from the train station to his school. It will be back to square one before he moved to their current house. His father only agreed after he insisted on it with tons of logical reasons why he wanted Lto do it. Since then he will leave his aunts place at 6am so he can reach his school or the bus stop where he used to alight when he was living in Chiba at 7.30am, the time which the bus that Masaki usually board to school will reached. Like a stalker he will stand near a lamp post, so he won’t be seen, and he will stand there till the bus moved. 

 

“Do you love him that much to be happy just to look at him from far?” Sho was surprised to hear the familiar voice behind him. He pretends to be confused but Jun knew it too well that he was lying. “I’ve seen you here almost every day doing the same thing and where your eyes were looking.” Surprisingly Jun accompanied him daily to wait for the bus, so he can see Masaki even from a far. He tried to find reasons not to go home despite his promised to come back during holidays. Sometime his family will come to visit him in Tokyo during the weekend, but he tried his best to distance himself from Masaki. It was painful, but this was the best way for him to protect Masaki from getting more hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last part of the past


	6. I’m just a coward who tried to runaway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry for all the tissues.. but it had to be pain for the happy ending.

It was unusual sight for him when Masaki saw his step brother waiting for him in front of the library at his faculty block. Sho came nearer when he saw Masaki and passed him a bag. “You left this when you moved. Can you stop being so clumsy? How can you leave it when you need it to sleep?” Masaki took the bag and Sho left as soon as he said thank you. Masaki looked inside the bag and it was his black dog soft toy which he thought he had lost during the moved. Although he was sad when Sho didn’t asked him how he was doing after the moved, he felt warm thinking of Sho who still remember his sleeping habit. Past few nights indeed a bad night when he can’t sleep properly. He was thinking of buying a new soft toy on his way back today but thanks to Sho he can save his money.

 

Sho smiled looking at Masaki from far, hugging his soft toy as if a small kid getting a new toy. He wanted to keep it at home, but he knows Masaki won’t be able to sleep without it. “It’s been such a long time since I last saw you smiled happily like this.” Sho turned and saw his cousin smiling beside him. “Hey! What are you doing here?” He asked, his cousin had graduated when Sho was in his second year. “I’ve just visited my professor. Lunch?” Sho nodded his head but when his cousin asked to call Masaki, he disagreed. Since Sho had no lecture in the afternoon, both decided to cook and eat at home. His cousin was better in cooking compared to him. His asked him to call Masaki and asked him what he wanted to eat so he can cook his share too but Sho shook his head. “He moved to stay with Nino” His cousin look at him confused but didn’t probe further into it. “I guess we can talk at home. I’m going to call mum and inform her I will be staying over at your house.” Sho gave him a weak smile.

 

It was nice to eat with someone and he knew how Masaki felt when was always left alone to eat by himself. His cousin joins him in the living room after they finish their dinner. “So how was the soba?” His cousin asked. “Good I guess?” Sho replied. “but I know my soba will never be as good as Masaki’s, right?” Ryuta saw the changes on his cousin’s face when he mentioned that name. He knows his cousin still deeply in love with his step brother and he know Masaki is the same too. He lied to Sho about visiting his professor. He came to visit them after Masaki’s mother called him to asked if he knew the reason why Masaki suddenly wanted to move into his best friend's house. Although he told her he didn’t know but he was sure his cousin was the main reason.

 

“So, want to share why Masaki moved?”Ryuta asked. “I guess he was hurt enough?” Sho said still giving the grey answers and avoiding any eye contact with his cousin. “Sho, you ran away for more than three years now, but I never see any difference. Both of you are still madly in love with each other and you still hurting him, so he will hate you, but things didn’t workout the way you wanted. Don’t you think it is time for you to stop running away and face it? I believed your parents will understand it.” His cousins tried to make him see reasons but Sho was just a stubborn boy.

 

“You know I can’t do that, it will hurt them deeply” still trying to hold his stand. “So, in order not to hurt your parents and showing them how good their eldest son is, you are okay to hurt Masaki and Jun? Do you ever think how Jun felt when you made him as Masaki substitute and what if one day he found someone he loves? Are you going to find another substitute?” Sho can’t answer his cousin’s questions as he never thought of any of it before. Seeing his speechless cousin, Ryuta continued hoping it will wake his cousin up. “Sho! Stop running away. You just made things worst between both of you and it will be more hurting when your parents found out the real reason behind it. Masaki won’t be thankful too instead it will disappoint him as you didn’t trust him and made your own decision” Ryuta patted his cousin shoulder and excuse himself to sleep in Masaki’s old room. 

 

He can’t sleep, his cousin’s word played in his mind. Yes, he was running away and Sho knew how coward he was to run away but isn’t it better than hurting the others out of his own selfishness. Sho was always a confidant guy but he was a coward when it came to Masaki and his parents. He doesn’t have the courage to face his dad disappointment upon knowing his only son is a gay. He can’t bear to face his stepmother who loves him more than his own mother, being hurt when she knew how much her son was hurt because of Sho, when she always thought of Sho as someone who is responsible and care about Masaki. It will hurt him more when Masaki was in pain knowing the guy that he loves was a coward. He doesn’t care if he was called a coward or a jerk if that can protect those that he loves from the pain.

 

Ryuta left early since he had to accompanied his mother for a medical check-up, “Sho! Life is all about choice but sometimes what we thought was right maybe wrong and what was wrong maybe right. You wouldn’t know till you walk past that road and life was never about only one choice.” Ryuta patted his cousin’s shoulder and hope he will change his mind but what Ryuta didn’t aware was Sho had decided to keep running away.

 

“I’m sorry!” “Eh!” Jun was surprised to hear his best friend apology early in the morning when he didn’t remember anything that Sho did which need an apology. “All this while I’ve been using you without thinking about your position. So, I want to stop using you as my fake lover.” Frankly Jun never thought much about it as he was not keen in any serious relationship now so acting as his fake lover helped him away from all the love confession. “You know I don’t mind since it was also helping me.” Sho shook his head. “because you haven’t met the right one, so it may be fine for you but what if one day, when you meet him? I don’t want to be the reason to ruin your happiness when you helped me a lot.” Jun wondered what happen to Sho to suddenly said that. “Sho what happen? I seriously don’t mind, and we can always stop it when I met that someone which is yet to come in my life.”

 

Jun was sure Sho doesn’t sound himself today and it made him worried. “or you had decided to stop running away and confess to Masaki?” Sho smirked, once again he was told that he was running away so it best to keep running away. “No, I’ve decided to keep running away on my own.” Jun gasped, he can’t understand what his best friend had in his mind. “Sho you are being unfair to Masaki. He still loves you and I don’t think he will ever forget about you especially when both of you are in one family.” Sho knows but he believed Masaki will when he will be out of his life and made more friends. Yes, Masaki is popular among his cohort, but he had never kept anyone close other than Nino and Ohno. Sho believed that’s the reason why Masaki can’t forget him. Jun didn’t agree with him. “One thing I’m sure and if you are yet to be aware, your rationality and logic was off when it came to Masaki and that is how much your heart was controlled by him.” Jun left Sho alone at the bench to think but he knows it was as if he talked to a wall as Sho was adamant of his decision.

 

Masaki was breathless once he reached his brother’s apartment. The elder still had a big impact on him that he ran from his campus as soon as the other called him to meet. Fortunately, the apartment was 20 minutes away from campus. It was the first time Sho called him to meet. Sho gave him a cup of water to calm himself and ask him to sit at the dining table. After he was calmed, Sho passed him an application form to change their family Koseki. Masaki looked at Sho for explanation. Sho showed him a brochure of postgraduate course in one of the universities in London which made Masaki more confused.

 

“I’ve decided to continue my studies here after I graduated next year. It may sound selfish coming from me, but I need you to take care of our parents” Masaki understood but he didn’t see any needs to change their Koseki. “It will be easier if you became Sakurai and officially part of the family.” “I’ve said before why I don’t want to change my name and our parents agreed to it. Even without changing my name, I will still take care of them.” He doesn’t want to be a Sakurai. “Masaki, you never know what will happen in future and what if something bad happen when I’m not around? Maybe there won’t be much issue if anything happens to mum but what about dad? It will be better for you to be Sakurai since we are family.” Sho tried to convince him “I won’t be a Sakurai and if this the only thing you wanted to talk about than I will leave now because I will never be agreed to this even if dad who is the one asking me.”

 

Masaki steps stopped when he heard Sho’s voice. “You don’t want to be Sakurai because of your grandparents or because you can’t accept me as your brother?” Masaki turned to him. “What do you mean?” He asked Sho, and Sho can see the nervousness on Masaki’s face, “Why don’t you just said it that you can’t except me as your brother because you love me?” Sho clenched his fist, his mind was telling him how cruel he was at that moment. “So, you know about it all this while?” Masaki asked. “I’m not so dense not to notice it.” Sho replied nonchalantly. “and yet you didn’t say anything and behaving so cruelly to me?” his heart pained when he saw the tears started to fall in Masaki cheeks. He wanted to hug him but hold back. Better to hurt him now than later.

 

Now he understood everything, how stupid he was not seeing things clearly. Masaki cursed himself for being so stupid and dense. “Do you really hated it that someone stupid like me love you? That was the reason why you moved out and wanted to go to London, just to avoid me? And without knowing my place, I came to stay in your place? You must be so frustrated to have a stupid brother like me.” The tears kept falling like a fountain and Sho was speechless. “It was not like that and I’m…” Masaki cut his words. “Stop! I would rather you rejected me rather than kept denying it. I’m sick of your denial. Since you knew it let me say it out loud for once, Yes, I LOVE YOU SAKURAI SHO and I’m still in love with you now even though I know you are my brother. Never once I regret to fall in love with you or meeting you because you will always be someone special in my life. If because of me you plan to leave, you don’t have to because I will do my best to be away from your life and I trust you will take a good care of my mum. Good bye Sho.”

 

Masaki left and slammed the door behind him without giving any chance to Sho to say anything else. He walked out of the apartment building as fast as he can in the heavy rain. The tears fell along with the rain and the thunders sounds angry as if it was angry with Sho. It reminded him during the past when Sho always shielded him from the rain because Masaki was lazy to carry an umbrella around and prefer to walk in the rain that will caused him to fall sick and Sho hated it. Since then, Sho was his umbrella but now he realized that his umbrella was long gone from his side. He was in denial and today he was awakened from it. Sho was no longer his umbrella but Jun’s and his life after the rain will no longer be the same.

 

Sho fell on his knees, he was cruel to the one he loves the most. Cruel to the sunshine that brighten and warm his life. He cried, and he bawled but he knew things will never be the same between them. Masaki hated him, that was what he wanted but why it felt so painful to be hated by him. “Masaki, I Love you and hope you will find someone better than a jerk like me” he said it aloud although he knew Masaki won’t be able to hear him.

 

Nino was worried when he can’t contact Masaki and the weather was bad with such a heavy rain. He knows Masaki didn’t have any umbrella with him, so he wanted to fetch him from the station if needed like always. Ohno tried to calm him but he still anxious especially after knowing Masaki went to meet Sho and he know how cruel that guy was with his best friend. His heart felt heavy and uneasy. He tried to call him again and was relieved when Masaki answer it, but his best friend’s voice made him nervous. “Masaki, where are you?” Nino called when Masaki was quiet on the other line. “Nino, he knew it, he knew that I love him, and he hated it that was why he……. hoooonnkkkkkkkk” Nino heard a loud bang on the line and the line was cut off. “Masaki!!!” He shouted, and his legs turned jelly, Satoshi barely manage to catch him before he fell on the floors. A lot of think came to his mind and he can’t afford to lost him best friend. He will never forgive Sho for what he did to Masaki.


	7. “I don’t want to see him here"

He didn’t realise his phone was off till his cousin came knocking on his apartment door. With swollen eyes after bawled all his tears for Masaki, he opened the door lazily and surprised to see his cousin brother who was more surprise to see his condition. “Why are you not answering your phone?” Ryuta wanted to scold his cousin but turned worry when he looks at the younger condition. “Are you okay? I will bring you to hospital now” Sho shook his head, “No! I’m fine, I just need some rest. Why are you here?” Ryuta look at his cousin confused. “So you yet to hear the news? But why were you crying then?” Ryuta was confused too as he thought Sho cried because of the bad news. “I had argument with Masaki earlier and what news are you talking about? Can we just talk later? My head was so painful right now and I need to sleep.” Ryuta walked to Sho room, took his hoodie and a cap then pulled him out of the house after asking Sho to lock his apartment. 

 

“Niisan! I’ve told you, I don’t need to go to hospital, I will be fine.” Ryuta stop his step and looked at his cousin. He knew it will be hard for his cousin, but he had no choice but to let him know. “It’s not you Sho. It was Masaki, He met with accident and was at hospital right now. Your parents were already on their way and will reached soon. They tried to call you, but your phone was off, so I came to bring you there.” Sho felt half of his soul left his body. As if the time stopped and his mind was blank that he didn’t even realised when they reached the hospital. 

 

Both Nino and Satoshi were in front of the operating theatre when Sho reached the hospital with his cousin. It was not a surprise since Masaki had indicated Nino as secondary contact in case of emergency after Sho in Tokyo. “Why are you here? Go away! I don’t want to see you here?” Nino would have punched him if not because of Satoshi. Sho was still zoned out that he didn’t even move an inch even when his parents arrived with his aunts and Masaki’s grandparents. Only tears kept falling and he wished this was just a nightmare. Everyone was anxiously waiting for the door to open to tell them that Masaki is fine, and everything will be fine. 

 

Sho rushed to the door as soon as the door opened. “How does he doctor? He is fine right?” Sho asked but the doctor reaction scared him. Their parents came closer. “I’m Masaki’s father, how is my son?” “For now, he was still at critical stage, we can’t be sure although we manage to remove the blood clot in his head but the shock from the accident was too strong that caused the head trauma although he had no other major injuries. Let’s pray that he will be able to overcome the critical moments tonight.” 

 

Sho’s legs turned jelly and he felt on his knees. He was speechless, He heard his mother cried but the voice sound too far from him even she was beside him. He felt someone pulling his sweater and his face was punched but he can’t feel the pain as if his body was paralysis and lost all his senses. Satoshi tried to stop Nino, but Nino was fast to throw his punches on Sho's face. He didn’t care even if Sho’s parents was there. Sho was lifeless didn’t dodge or fight back as if surrendering himself to Nino’s rage. It took a great deal for Satoshi and Ryuta to pulled him away from punching Sho for the third time. Their parents especially Masaki’s mother became more confused seeing Nino reactions. She always knows how much Nino care about Masaki and how Nino always over protective of her son. 

 

“Are you happy now? I will never forgive you Sho for whatever you did to him. You are so cruel Sho, so cruel to him when what he wanted just to be love. He loves you so much Sho, he loves you although you treated him badly. Even if you hate him, you should just reject him instead of hurting his feeling.” Nino break himself free from the two and went to Sho, pulling the elder sweater but no longer in violence. “before he is your brother, he is your best friend Sho, he always cares for you but why you have to hurt him so much just because he loves you? Why!? Tell me why Sho?” Nino hide his face on Sho’s torso. Cried his tears out till the other sweater was wet with his tears. 

 

Sho didn’t move still in dazed only his tears kept falling. “Because he wanted Masaki to move on from him, so Masaki won’t be hurt.” Nino turned to look at Ryuta even their parent’s attention was now on them. “Niisan!” Sho shook his head telling his cousin to stop talking. “No! Sho, they should know you were in pain too and it is time for you to stop running away” Ryuta can’t see his cousin suffering anymore. “What do you mean Ryuta?” Sho’s father asked. “Sho love Masaki too but he loves you more than him and Masaki love his mum more than anything.” It took sometimes for the parents to understand it, now it was all made sensed to them why Sho left house and Masaki insisted to stay as Aiba. Masaki’s mother hugged Sho who was still in tears. She can’t imagine her kids sacrificing their love for them. 

 

Masaki was moved to Intensive care ward. As informed earlier, his condition tonight will be critical for his recovery. His heart broke the moment he saw him lying on the bed surrounding by the machines. According to the police, the car that knock him tried to pass the yellow light at full speed and he didn’t see Masaki due to heavy rain. “Masaki! Please come back soon, I won't run away anymore and I can’t live without you.” and Sho cried again. Ryuta told everything he knew to the family while it was Sho’s and Nino’s turn to enter Masaki room. Satoshi waited outside just in case since both Sho and Nino looks as if their soul left their body too. 

 

“I’m sorry uncle to keep this from you. Sho didn’t know how to tell you the truth about his sexuality. I’ve tried to convince Sho to tell both of you the truth, but he didn’t want to disappoint you and hurt anyone that was why he had been pushing Masaki away, so Masaki will forget him but trust me he was also hurt.” Ryuta felt responsible as if he was stricter to Sho things may not gotten worst like this.

 

“Its not your fault Ryuta when as his father I’m unable to see the real self of my son and the happiness that he was looking for. We are selfish as a parent that we fail to see what our sons wants.” Mr Sakurai know he must be strong as the head of the family. Yes, he was shocked to know his son was a gay, but it will never change his feeling towards him and for him Sho is still his son that he always proud of. “Uncle, Aunty please don’t blame yourself or it will make both of your sons felt guiltier. The reason why they agreed to the marriage because they love both of you so much. They always want both of you to be happy after everything you’ve done for them. They need your support the most at this time” Mrs Sakurai hugged his husband. “We can’t do anything about the past, but we can lead them to a better future. They are still our sons no matter what happened.” Mr Sakurai was glad to have his wife by his side to support him. 

 

“Dad, mum, I’m sorry for being bad son to you and bad brother to Masaki. Because of me, Masaki is lying there when I’m supposed to protect him.” Ryuta and his mum left the hospital earlier to send Masaki’s grandparents to rest at Sho’s apartment. Sho, Nino and Satoshi will be staying overnight in the hospital. Nino and Satoshi excused themselves to get hot drinks to keep them warm and let the family had sometimes to talk. 

“I’m sorry mum, it was all my fault. I’m not a good son but a coward who always ran away.” She hugged him and patted his back to calm him. Surprisingly, despite of all the sadness and painful in her heart, his mum can still smile warmly although Sho expected her to show her rage like Nino did just now. Masaki is her own child and what Sho did was unacceptable, but she is calmer than his dad. Seeing her, it reminded Sho of the quote by Julie Otsuka “Women are weak, but mothers are strong” 

 

“Don’t blame yourself and I know Masaki won't like it too. It was an accident and I believed you don’t want him to hurt too right?” Sho felt warm which he never felt from his own mother. “Aren’t you angry? Because of me your son was hurt?” his mum shook her head. “he is my son and will always be, but you are my son too and you love my Masaki. There was nothing else I could ask for. We should pray together for him to come back to us soon and I know he will.” Although she tried to sound strong and calm, Sho can sensed her nervousness and the end of her sentences. “He will come back mum, he must come back for me to apologise and continue to love him.” 

 

Sho moved to kneel in front of his parents, he doesn’t care if he was in the hallway or anyone looked at him. It’s now or never. “Dad, I’m sorry for not being frank to you. I just don’t know how to tell you. But I don’t want to run away anymore. I’ve realised how important and how much I need him in my life. Mum, Dad, I know it was wrong because he is my brother, but I love Masaki and I want to be with him for my whole life.” 

 

“Sho! Yes, I was surprise, but you are being a gay will never change the fact that you are my son that I’ve always proud of. We can never be prouder of you and Masaki seeing how much you care about us. Masaki had always been my son; your mum had informed me about him even before the marriage and I have no problem to accept it as long as your mum is okay with it. I’m happy to have him as Sakurai although his grandfather may kill me?” they laughed at his father joke and Sho knows his father tried to lighten the mood. He turned to look at his step mother nervously. “Will you promised me that you will never make him cry again?” Sho nodded his head. “Will you promised me that you will love him and make him happy always?” Sho nodded his head again “Hmm. I’m not convinced since I didn’t hear anything except for your head moving." “I promise you mum, I will always love him, make him happy and I will never make him cry again.” “Well! I have no reason to reject you, but I felt sad as if I’m giving my daughter away.” Three of them laughed. 

 

“Masaki have to wake up soon Toshi, to feel the happiness that he had been looking for” Nino wiped his own tears and feeling warm in the embraced of his love. Even though Masaki passed his critical moments and his condition as per doctor was getting better, he was yet to wake up that worried the family. His grandparents when back to Chiba while their parents temporarily stayed at Sho’s apartment. 

 

Hospital became his second home, he will be there as soon as his lesson ends and will leave to school from hospital. While he was in school, his mother and Nino will be around. Nino and Satoshi too spend most of their free time in hospital. Sho insisted to stay in hospital so he will be the first one that Masaki will see if he woke up in the morning or at night and Masaki won't be lonely alone. Sho asked Nino to bring Masaki's black dog soft toy, so he can sleep peacefully at night when he woke up. “Hmm today is the 14th day and you are still sleeping. Masaki you’ve sleep a lot and everyone missed you especially me. We should go for a date when you wake up because there are a lot of place that I wanted to go with you. Especially Makuhari Beach. It was so long since the last time we went so we must visit it again. Jaa… おやすみなさい” 

Sho saved his recorded video and sent it to Masaki’s phone although he knows it will be unread. He looks at Masaki’s phone 28 messages from his phone. It was his daily video that he recorded after Masaki changed to the ordinary ward. He will record one video when in the morning and one video at night before sleep when only the two of them left in the room. He heard, some people may forget things when they woke up from coma especially the memories that may hurt and he didn’t want Masaki to forget him. He can't imagine how his life will be if that happened to him. 

 

Five weeks and he still sleeping even the doctors can’t give a definite answer when he will wake up. “Ohayo! My love. It is the 36th day but I know you will wake up soon, so we can go for a date.” Sho went closer to sleeping Masaki on the bed. “See you are still beautiful as always and I’m glad that you are mine. Well I need to go to class now and this is your morning kiss” He kissed the other lips and tried to control his tears and look back to his phone. “I love you Masaki and I miss you so much. いってきます” Sho left with a heavy heart but he hopes one day he will hear Masaki replied いってらっしゃい when he said it. He left after Nino came since he had no class that day and their mother had to go back to Chiba to clean their house. 

 

Nino looked at Masaki phone, there is a lot of incoming message, some of it from himself but most of it was from Sho. He regretted his punchs to the elder seeing how much he love Masaki and he realized how much the other was in pain too. Sho always kept a smiling face although he was tired and sad about Masaki. “Nino!” Nino looked at his best friend who was lying on the bed. “I must be missing you too much Baaka that I even dream of hearing your voice in the day time” Nino took a seat on the chair beside the bed and put his head at the side of the bed to take a short nap. 

 

He felt someone patting his head, but he thought maybe he was dreaming since no one will be in the room except for him and Masaki. “Masaki!” his eyes opened widen when the realization hit his mind. He turned his head to look at his best friend and gasped to see him smiling at him. “Masaki you awake? Doctor... Doctor nurse? Nino left the room to call whoever available to check on his friend. He tried to call Sho, but his phone was off, so he left the message. 

 

Sho was jumping happily when he saw the message. He can’t wait to meet his love and decided to skip his last lesson. Everyone was already there when he reached except for his father who was still in the meeting, but his leg can’t move further as if it was stuck to the ground as soon as he saw his love laughing on the bed. He wondered if it was a dream. “Come on Sho-chan this is not a dream. You had been waiting for this.” Nino said. Masaki mother stood up from the chair beside the bed, signalling him to come nearer to seat on the chair. Sho tried to move but stop when he heard Masaki. “I don’t want to see him here. Please asked him to go?”

 

Everyone looked at Masaki, his voice full of hatred. “Masaki!” Satoshi stopped Nino from continuing his words. “Masaki, you can’t do that to Sho my dear, he had been taking care of you every day.” His mother patted his head. Masaki started to cry “I don’t need his sympathy just because he feels guilty. Please I don’t want to see him here. Please Mum, asked him to go away” His mother was in bind. “It’s okay mum, I will go.” Sho left the room in tears, he felt his world collapsed but he knew this was his punishment and what he did to Masaki was more painful than what he felt right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> おやすみなさい (Good Night)  
> いってきます (Ittekimasu)  
> いってらっしゃい (Itterasshai)
> 
> Okay I promised things will be better in the next chap. I'm sorry to be cruel to Masaki but I guessed it was painful for Masaki too. 
> 
> This chapter was inspired from a scene in the movie 8-nengoshi no Hanayome: Kiseki no Jitsuwa (Satoh Takeru & Tao Tsuchiya)
> 
> Originally written Masaki paralysis bit the story became too sad that i myself cant continue so i change the whole plot to coma.


	8. I can't live without you

“Masaki, you should apologise to Sho. You can’t treat him like that.” Masaki felt sour to hear that from his mum. “So now you care more about him than your own son?” suddenly he felt his head became heavy and it was too painful.

 

Masaki was given some medicine to let him sleep to relax his mind. “Please avoid stressing him. For now, he still needs more rest and won’t be able to take so much stress.” The doctor advice everyone to leave him alone for today. Nino left Masaki’s phone in the drawer with a small note. They went to look for Sho and found him sitting at one of the benches in the garden behind the hospital with glistening eyes. They told him what happen, and his parents asked him to go back with them, but he insisted to stay a while more. It may take sometimes but they hope both will reconcile.

 

Sho went back to the room while Masaki still asleep. He sat at his usual place on the chair beside the bed. He left the bouquet of sunflowers on the side table. Admiring his love beauty, move the younger bangs from his forehead. He went closer carefully no to wake the other up. “I’m sorry and Thank you for waking up. With glistening eyes, he kissed Masaki’s forehead and peck the other lips as always when Masaki was still in coma. He took out his phone to start recording the video since he may not be able to do it tonight.

 

“Masaki forgive me for coming in although you asked me to leave. I know, what I did was wrong and hurt you so much, so I will do my best to pay for my mistake earn your trust again. I love you Masaki”. 

He stops the recording and sent to Masaki’s phone as usual. He left the room with heavy heart after putting the sunflower in the vase.

 

Masaki woke up in the middle of the night felt restless to fall back to sleep when the nurse came to check his blood pressure. He saw the sunflowers on the side table and it made him felt warm. “Nice flower, you are lucky Aiba-san to have such a romantic boyfriend.” Masaki smiled although in his mind he was wondering who is that guy. “whether on this chair or that sofa must be uncomfortable and tiring to sleep in the hospital for 35 nights, but he always smiles and said he was fine although sometimes I saw him slept at the sofa with all his school work. Now since you woke up maybe he finally felt the sore.” Said the middle-aged nurse.

 

Masaki wondered who that could be, and he was sure it was not Nino. He was still sleepy maybe due to his medicine effect, but he can’t go back to sleep, he felt something missing which made him restless. He wanted to talk to someone and look for his phone to call Nino, but his phone was out of battery and he can’t find any charger. He saw his soft toy and hugged it, but he can smell Sho cologne on it. He remembered what he did just now, he knew he was bad but seeing that guy remind him of the day they argue before the accidents. He knows Sho was there because he felt guilty and he don’t want to show any more weakness to him. Surprisingly, the smell made him calmed and like a lullaby brought him to sleep.

 

Sho reached the Masaki’s room early in the morning. He had early class and to avoid the other saw him. He left Masaki’s phone charger on the side table, he realised the phone was out of battery last night when he sent the last video. As usual he recorded his morning and pecked the other lips fast before left for his class. “I love you Masaki”

 

Masaki opened his eyes as soon as he heard his room door closed. Did Sho just kissed him? Did Sho just said he loved him? His heart pained and realised he is still deeply in love with the elder despite of his anger but what was the point if the love was just out of guilt and sympathy which he didn’t need it especially from Sho. He plugged in the charger and when back to sleep till the nurse came to give him his medicines

 

He was lonely, his mother came and left before lunch, his father was sent for outstation for four weeks urgently and his mum need to follow him for first few days to help him settled down. Both Nino and Satoshi had class till late evening and Satoshi is busy with his final year project. Sho was the only one left but did he really wanted to see him? “Masaki, what Sho did was wrong but didn’t he apologise? Call him if you are bored, he will finish his class by lunch time.” His mother said before she left. 

 

He on his phone and saw a lot of messages sent when he was in coma especially from Nino and Sho. There was one message from Jun. His heart ached to see that name, but he knows it was never Jun fault if Sho chose him. The door of his room opened when was about to open the first message from Nino. Sho was standing in front of the door unsure if he can come in. “Why do you come if you are not going to come in?” Masaki asked and close his eyes to sleep. The medicine really made him sleep a lot.

 

Sho was nervous to open the door, he was scared if Masaki chased him away again, but he doesn’t want the guy to be alone. Fortunately, the younger didn’t chased him out but also didn’t welcome him. He went back to sleep as soon as he asked Sho to come in sarcastically. Sho sat at the sofa to finish his assignment. They never speak a single word even when Masaki was awake. all his questions were replied by head shake or nod. Sho knows the other was still angry and he didn’t mind as seeing Masaki awake was a miracle for him.

 

“You will be staying over tonight?” Masaki heard the nursed asked Sho. He was awake but pretended to sleep. “No! I must go back tonight to finish my assignment and thank you for always taking care of him. I left him in your care tonight” He heard Sho replied. “Aiba-san was lucky to have you by his side. You really love him, don’t you?” he heard the nurse asked again. “Yes! More than my own life and actually I’m the lucky man to be love by him.” Masaki heard the nursed laughed and left the room but Sho replied hurt him. He heard the other moved closer to his bed talking to himself as if he was talking to someone and a sound of message came in to his phone. He felt the soft touch on his face then a soft kiss on his forehead. “I love you Masaki” was Sho last words before he left Masaki alone in the room.

 

Masaki open his eyes, Sho did the same as he did this morning and from the conversation he confirmed it was Sho who stayed in the hospital every night when he was in coma. He was curious what Sho sent to his phone. There were 74 video messages from Sho and around 10 from Nino. There was a titled for every video message that made him curious. He was curious and nervous, chose randomly the which video to watch.

 

1- From Nino:  
RE: Did you get married without telling me?

“He Baakaa, did you get married without telling me? Since when you have this devoted husband” the video than showed how Sho shave all the hair on his face, cut his finger nails and comb his hair. “That’s my beautiful man” Sho said after he was done.

 

2- From Nino:  
RE: Sho-chan confession

The video looked like it was taken secretly. Sho knelt in front of their parent and Masaki was surprised to hear their conversation.

 

His hands shaking and tears falling. He can’t believe what he heard. He skips and open one of the message videos from Sho. He chose the first video that was sent to him.

 

3- From Sho:  
RE: I’m Sorry

It was a video of Sho talking to the camera as if he was talking to him.

“Masaki, I’m sorry for what I’ve done. I’m sorry for being a coward. I thought by running away it will help you to forget me, but I’ve realised that I was wrong.  
I’ve always love you since we are still friends before I found out about our parents.

The day when we went to Makuhari beach, I know you were going to confess but at that time  
I’ve known about our parents. I’ve tried my best to avoid you because it was painful to see the one that I loved as my brother till it was unbearable that I’ve decided to move but it never helped me to forget you. The more I tried the more I missed you. It’s really hurt me when I saw you cried, and it was stupid of me to think it was the right thing to do.

Masaki, I’m not going to run away, I can’t live without you by my side. I love you Masaki and please come back to me soon.”

 

Masaki’s tears started to fall. He opened every message one after another and it made him cried harder. Masaki realised that he was wrong, and Jun’s message confirmed that Sho loves him just like how Masaki loves him, it was not a sympathy but a real love. He needs Sho. He wanted to see him, and he wanted to see him now.

 

Sho was too sleepy and tired he wanted to sleep but he only had one day left till the dateline of his assignment submission. He almost fell asleep when he heard his phone rang. It made him nervous when he saw the caller’s name and it was almost 2am in the morning. “Masaki!” he called but no answer, he tried to call again and this time there was a reply “Sho-chan!” he heard the other sniffed, he knows the other was crying. “Why are you crying? Do you feel pain anywhere?” He asked but he only heard Masaki sobbing on the other line and it made him restless. “Wait for me I will be there soon.”. He hung up the call, took his wallet, his hoodie and stop the first taxi he saw in front of his apartment. He didn’t even realise that he was wearing a pair of slippers.

 

Thanks to the time which had less car, he reached the hospital in less than 20 minutes. Sho ran to Masaki’s room as soon as the taxi stop in front of the hospital. Fortunately, the security and nurses had known him since he was staying over for past few weeks and allowed him to go in although they were surprised to see him running there late at night. He went to hugged Masaki who was bawling on his bed.

 

“What happens Masaki? Why are you crying? Do you feel pain?” Masaki didn’t reply but kept crying in his embrace. “Let me call the nurse to check on you?” but Masaki didn’t let him go and hugged him tighter. Sho patted the other back slowly to calmed him. “I’m sorry Sho-chan, I love you so much and I can’t live without you too” Sho was surprised with Masaki’s sudden confession but also happy to finally hear it. He saw Masaki’s mobile phone at the side table, it was opened that’s meant Masaki had watched all the videos he recorded and sent to him. “I’m sorry too Masaki and I really love you so much so please stay by my side.” He moved a bit, so he can see his love face. “My beautiful man” He wiped the tears with his thumb and claimed Masaki’s soft lips to a passionate kiss.

 

Sho ended up spending the night in the hospital sharing the small bed together. He wished they can stay together for the whole day but he had no choice to leave and finish his assignment in the morning. “いってきます” He said but this time Masaki was there to reply him “いってらっしゃい”

 

“So, you want Masaki to move in with you?” Nino asked, he was seating on the sofa with his arms crossed and Sho was kneeling on the floor in front of him. Satoshi can’t stop his laughed but quickly covered his mouth when Nino shoot him a laser stare. “Do you know the reason I asked Satoshi to find two-bedroom apartment because I want Masaki to stay with me?” Sho nodded his head. He had been kneeling on floor for almost 20 minutes. He looks at Masaki for help but was ignored by the younger.

 

Masaki was finally discharged from the hospital two weeks ago however the younger decided to go back to Nino’s house. He had asked Masaki to move in with him but was told that Sho needs to get permission from his best friend to do that and getting Nino’s approval was much harder that getting their parents approval for them to be together. “and what if you hurt him again? So, he had to move again? Do you know how tiring it is to move around?” Nino still with his strict attitude. “I promised you I won’t hurt him anymore. I love him and I will take a good care of him. Please, let him move back with me.”

 

Masaki went to seat beside his best friend, he knows how much Nino care about him. Nino was like a brother that he never had and like wise it was the same for Nino. “Nino, Please, you also said that he loves me right and you know it was all his own stupidity.” Sho pouted when Masaki called him stupid, but Masaki just ignored it. “Don’t worry, if he hurt me again I will come back here” Masaki said. Nino turned back his attention to Sho. “and if that’s happened you will never get to see Masaki again, Understood?” Sho nodded his head and thanks Nino for finally approve it. 

 

“And you make sure you keep your promised that we still meet for our game match every once a week and you will come to me if he hurt you again so I can kill him with my own hands.” Masaki laughed and hugged his best friend “Oh! I love you so much Nino” “and you know I love you too Masaki although sometimes you are so stupid” Nino returned his best friend hugs. Both Satoshi and Sho smiled warmly looking at their closeness. “I think they forgot that we are here?” Sho laughed at Satoshi’s word but that is how close they are and Sho had known it since the first time he know them.


	9. This will be the hand that will complete my clap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally after all the pains the light of happiness Shines brightly in their life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last chapter of this fic. The next chapter is an extra focusing on Ohmiya's and Jun's love stories.

 

 

 

 

He felt so tired, the move drained all his energy, but he was glad he managed to finish all the move with Sho's help. Yes, this time it was different. Just few months back he moved out from this apartment to leave with Nino and now he was back. Not only they will they shared the same apartment but also the same room and the realization of sharing the same bed made him blush. Although they were together for almost a month, they never went more than kissing he had been staying in his parents’ home in Chiba and then moved back to Nino house. They only meet at campus and during the weekend.

 

The thought of it may be their first night that day made him hotter and like a shy bride, he was sure his face was red as tomato, “Daijoubu?” Sho asked, “you face don’t looks good, do you feel pain anywhere?” Sho asked again playing dumb although he knew what exactly on the other’s mind. Masaki is so honest that it was easy to read his mind. He had been staring at the younger from the room door when Masaki sat on their bed in deep thought.

 

Masaki insisted he was fine and excused himself to take a shower first. Sho was still in mood to tease his lover. “Should we go together?” the questions made Masaki redder and he quickly went to the bathroom and lock the door. Sho was laughing seeing his lover overloaded cuteness. He dialled the number of his regular Chinese restaurant for delivery. Masaki wanted to cook but he knows how tired he was with the moving and he didn’t want Masaki to exhaust himself as he was still worried of his health.

 

Sho went for shower after they had their dinner while Masaki arranging his books in the other room which he used before. Masaki had to delay his studies by a term due to the accident. Their parents decided to buy the apartment when the original owner decided to sell it. There is no major renovation just a bit of redesigning and rearranging done for both rooms. Before each room had dorm style arrangement with a single bed now the room that Masaki used before was turned into a study room and the master bedroom which Sho used became their bedroom. Sho bought a new queen bed replacing his old single bed with his own saving that he earns from his part time job that he had before. At first Sho suggested they moved to a new place, but Masaki disagreed with the idea since Sho’s current apartment was comfortable and situated near to their campus. It will be hassling to move to a new place. Sho finally agreed to Masaki suggestion with a condition for a remodelling. Sho wanted them to start in a new environment that won’t remind them of the time when Masaki first came to Tokyo.

 

Masaki had to agree that Sho made the right decision. Yes, too many things happen in the house which brought him sadness but now it was different. Although they were in the same house, but the different ambience made him feel more comfortable to be in that house. The sad feeling that he used to have was replaced with warmness of their love. He felt two arms circling around his waist and soft kiss at his temple, he feels loved whenever he was in Sho’s embrace. “Masaki! What are you thinking?” Sho asked. “I’m thinking how the feel of this house was different from before and how happy I am now to be here with you by my side.” Sho turned Masaki to look at him. “I will make sure that you wouldn’t remember any of the painful past. We will fill this place with our love” Sho kissed his lover soft lips till there are breathless and broke the kiss. “I want you” Sho whispered in his lover ear. His eyes filled with love and lust.

 

For Masaki, this is the man he wants to lead his life with, the only man that he wanted to love for all his life. Sho carried him to the bedroom and laid him on their new bed. Sho claimed back his lover lips into a lustful kiss and slowly creating an invisible path down to his neck till his chest where his tongue started to play with Masaki hardened nipples. Masaki can hardly open his eyes since he was lost in his love touches, he tried to open his eyes only to see Sho’s eyes dark, filled with lust. “Masaki!” Sho’s voice deepen, asking his permission to moved further. “Please be gentle, its my first” Masaki was embarrassed but it was true. It was his first time and to do it with Sho was so meaningful for him. Sho was happy to be the first for him. “I will be gentle and make sure you feel loved.” Sho went slowly but erotically to make sure Masaki had a good time and felt his love in every move. Masaki cried out of happiness as he was finally becoming one with Sho, the love of his life.

 

_**5 years later.** _

 

Its been a while since they get to spend the weekend together. Sho was busy with his work as a business development manager in one of well-known corporations in Tokyo. Masaki finally decided to dedicate his life with children and it had been 3 years since he started his job as a kindergarten teacher. He was loved by the kids who love to call him Taiyou Sensei. Both just left Masaki’s uncle house. they went for his uncle’s son 3rd birthday party. Masaki still remember how his family was filled with joy especially his grandparents when another grandson finally born into his father’s family. Sho drove to Makuhari beach, he wanted to change the bad memory they had there to something meaningful. Unlike the first time, the scenery was nice, and the beach was filled with families. The weather is nice, but it was not as warm since it was toward the start of autumn. They walked to the end that they went before as it was a bit far from the crowd.

 

Both was mesmerized by the blue sea in front of them which brought calmness to their mind. Masaki really loves this moment where they breath the fresh air of the sea. Masaki closed his eyes, appreciating the nice breeze of the sea when he felt two familiar arms embraced him. “It is beautiful Sho-chan, thank you for bringing me here” Masaki received a soft kiss on his left cheek. “but it is not as beautiful as you.” Masaki open his eyes and laughed at Sho’s reply. “As cheesy as always” Sho laughed too. He never knows he can be as cheesy as Masaki always said till they are together. He tightens his embrace to bring Masaki closer to him. “I love you my love”.

 

Masaki eyes widen when he saw two flight tickets to US for him and Sho and the date showed their flight will be tomorrow evening at 6.40pm. Sho laughed at his reaction. “We going to LA? tomorrow?” Masaki asked. “Yes! I’ve managed to get the 2 weeks break. So, we need to go back now and pack” Sho replied. “Yeay! I love you Sho-chan.” “and I love you too my love.” They walked in hand to their car. Masaki was so happy, it had been a while since the last time they went for a trip together. It will be their 5th anniversary being together in few days’ time and Sho had planned a surprise for his love.

 

They reached the hotel around 3 pm in the afternoon but both are so sleepy due the time difference and it was worst for Sho, he only able to sleep after Masaki fell asleep since the younger keep pulling down the small barrier between their seat to talk to him till Masaki fell asleep less than three hours before they landed. They fell asleep as soon as they lied on the bed snuggling to each other till late evening, enjoying the hot bath in the big bathtub of their executive suite. If they were in Japan, it should be their anniversary day but since they are in LA, they had few hours more before the clock striked to a new day.

 

Sho pulled Masaki closer so the younger can rest comfortably against his torso. Masaki closed his eyes enjoying the peaceful moment in his love embrace. Masaki opened his eyes when he felt Sho pulled out their couple ring from his finger. “Sho-chan, Why?” Sho put his finger to his lips signalling him to keep quiet. Sho moved the ring back to Masaki’s right-hand ring finger. Masaki was about to complain when Sho put a white gold chain on his neck. It was a simplest chain with a white gold wedding ring as the pendant. “Masaki, will you marry me?” Masaki turned to look at his love wondering if he was dreaming, but when Sho’s thumb moving on his cheek to wipe his tears he knew it was a reality. He was speechless and too happy to reply him with any words but nodded his head as an agreement. “I love you, baby” Sho claimed his lover lips into passionate kiss, both in tears but both knew it were the tears of their happiness. Like a princess, Sho brought him to bed to celebrate their anniversary in their own loving way.

 

Masaki was surprised to see Sho woke up earlier than him and was ready to leave. He still sulky about last night when Sho stop while he wanted to be “loved” more. He looks at his phone, it was 7am in the morning and it was much early then their usual wake up time during a holiday since Sho was not a morning person. “You can be angry with me later but now, we need to get ready fast because we need to leave at 8.” Masaki who was too sleepy to argue back, followed his love instruction and went to shower while Sho called the room service for their breakfast.

 

Sho was silenced about their destination which made him more irritated. He wondered if what happen last night was just a nice dream, but he gasped as soon as they reached. It was Sho’s birth mum’s house which he visited once after his graduation few years back. It was a three-storey house with a big lawn which was nicely decorated today. He was more surprised to see Nino came to greet them. “Finally, our two grooms are here?” Nino shouted from the lawn to everyone in the house. “Eh? Groom? Why are you here?” he looks at Sho but the elder just smiled at him. “You will know later but now quick, we need you both to get ready” Nino pulled him into the house.

 

Masaki realised what’s going on once he entered the house. He never imagined Sho had planned everything to make their anniversary so special and their family members to take their time off to prepare for their wedding. He found out their family and friends from Japan reached a day earlier before them and stayed at the same hotel. It was Sho’s birth mother and her new family who made most of the arrangement there. It will be a small wedding among the family. Nino will be his best man, while Satoshi will be Sho’s best man. Jun who is working as a model now will also be there. “You planned this even before I say yes to your proposal?” he asked Sho, “Yes! Because I know you will never say no to me” Sho replied and hugged his love.

 

The dark grey notch tuxedo fit nicely on him despite his slopey shoulders. Sho entered the room prepared for them looking at his beautiful man that will officially belong to him in a while. The grey trim fit peak tuxedo highlighted his slim figures which made him looks like a run-away model and Sho can’t took his eyes of him. He hugged him closely. “Are you angry that I’ve planned it all by myself” Sho asked. Masaki shook his head and turned around to look at him. “No, I’m surprised but I’m happy for everything you did for us. Thank you Sho-chan” “So you are no longer angry with me about last night?” Sho, teased and smiled when he saw how Masaki blushed. “I’m still angry about that unless you show more love tonight” Sho pinched his nose. “I will show you so much that you will break.” Sho replied. “Its fine if you break me because I belong to you, Sho-chan”. Nino and Satoshi came to call them out. It was time for them to marched in. Looking at each other, saying the love vows thru their eyes, Sho held out his hand for Masaki to hold and walk down the aisle together.

 

_**Sho:** _

_Once you took my hand, I will hold on to you for my whole life._

_I will protect you, love you in happiness and sadness._

_I will pull you up when you are down and_

_Brought you back when you are lost._

_I will never leave you in the darkness and_

_Walked you thru steps of eternal love._

 

_**Masaki:** _

_I hold the hand that I never want to let go_

_The hand that will always hold me,_

_Embraced me with full of love._

_The hand that I want to hold in happiness and sadness,_

_The hand that I wanted to hold in pain and comfort._

_You will always need two hands to clap and_

_This will be the hand that will complete my claps._

 

 

 

_The End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, i finished this fic after 7 months. I would like to thank @JKC80, @Arashi (Shiro ga Mau), @Sakuradropps & @wjktl  
> For always reading it and commenting. Thank you for all those who left the kudos. 
> 
> Its really meant a lot to me and I hope you will enjoyed my other fics too. 
> 
> Sorry for the typo & grammatical error. 
> 
> Once again thank you for reading and enjoying this fic as much as i enjoyed writing it   
> despite the slump moments that I had in between.


	10. Extra Chapter for Nino, Satoshi & Jun

_**Nino & Satoshi.** _

Satoshi was happy for both Sho and Masaki who finally found their happiness. Although it was a small and simple ceremony, it was a bliss to be able to celebrate your love with everyone closed to you. They went back to the hotel together with the two grooms and the other family members after they sent Jun to airport since he needs to fly back to New York for his work. Masaki was surprised to know their rooms were on the same level and how the other tried their best to hide from him. It was funny for adult to play hide and seek but everyone was determined to help Sho with his surprise.

 

Although he was so happy and cheerful during the wedding, Nino was quiet during the whole journey back to hotel. At first, Satoshi thought he was sad because of Masaki but it seemed Nino was angry with him, but he was not sure why. He tried to remember if he did any mistake today, but he can’t remember doing anything that might trigger the younger rage. Nino was already lying in bed when he finished the shower. After changing to his tank top and boxer, he slipped in next to his love hugging him kissing the other neck trying to comfort him.

 

He was hoping for a hot steamy night but there was no response from his love. He gave up and just pulled the younger one closer to him to sleep. He was about to sleep when he heard Nino, “Do you really loves me?” Nino asked. Satoshi move on top of him to look at his face since Nino avoided to face him. He saw Nino was in tears. “Of course, I love you. I can never imagine my life without you.” Satoshi replied wiping the other tears, kissing his lips, savouring every part of him to let Nino knows how much he loves him. Once Nino started to moan, he knew had succeed in making Nino surrendered to him.

 

Nino never thought of how far and how long their relationship will go and never he doubted Satoshi’s love for him but when he saw Masaki and Sho today, he can’t help to feel jealous. He and Satoshi were together twice longer than them but why Satoshi never thought of making it official like Sho? He knew Satoshi is a man of a few words and he knows that’s what made them compatible, but there are things that he needs Satoshi to take the lead since he is the elder one. He may be a hentai in sex and not a girl, but he had a part of shyness in him.

 

Although Nino surrendered to his ministrations, he knows the other mind was not fully with him. He loves Nino more than his own life and he didn’t want to lose him. He ever thought of making it official, but in Japan, having a certificate of partnership is just a symbol and Nino disagreed when he mentioned to him few years back. Now when Nino asked him that question, it made him feel as if Nino was doubting his feeling and he didn't want that to be a reason for them to drift apart.

 

“Nino, I know we can't do it in Japan and you disagreed about it before but since we are in LA now? Do you… want to marry me?” Nino who was still panting after the sex looks at him. “Is that your proposal? If yes, I will say No? How could you proposed to me after sex like that?” It took him sometimes to understand the meaning behind Nino’s reply. “So, you mean yes if I proposed to you properly?” Nino face turned as red as Tomato. “I say no to that certificate because it was not legalised. Our rings, our night activities were enough as a symbol, but I never said No to make it legal and you surely took long time think about it. Still I won't agreed till I received a proper proposal." Nino laughed seeing Satoshi dancing happily around the room while Satoshi was planning to ask for Sho’s help when they meet for breakfast tomorrow. He knows the newly wed couple must be too busy right now to be disturb right now.

 

Two days later, Nino was forced to follow Masaki to walk around. "Since we are here, let's spend our brother's moments without our partner." Both Sho and Satoshi gladly allowed them to have fun by themself when Masaki suggested it during their breakfast. The newly wed parents and grandparents had left to Las vegas to have fun in the casino and will only be back in two days. Nino was lazy to follow but he had no choice since He and Satoshi will be going back 3 days earlier than Masaki and Sho. They went for lunch together and shop for new clothes.

 

They ended up back to hotel with bags of new clothes and souvenir before dinner. Nino hate to spent money but he need to buy some souvenir for his family and friends at work. He also bought few shirt and suit for himself and Satoshi that can be used for work. His room was dark and empty clearly shown Satoshi was not in the room. He thought maybe Satoshi spending some time with Sho but when Sho came out from next room to greet Masaki, he wondered where his love went alone and Sho totally had no idea about it. once he entered he saw an arrow that guide him to the cupboard.

 

A black suit was hanging there with a note. 

 

_Wear this and come to the french restaurant._

_I'm waiting for you._

 

_\- Satoshi -_

 

He wore it and went to the restaurant, he was brought to private dining when he told the waiter his companion's name. Once he sat, they waiter started to bring in their food. "Do you order this by yourself?' NIno was surprised as he know how limited his old man was when come to foreign languages. "Yes I've asked Sho-chan for recommendation since he dine here with Masaki before. the food was good although the portion was too small for both of them but fortunately Satoshi ordered a lot of food so they manage to fill their stomach. Satoshi excused himself to washroom while they were served their dessert but came back with a gift in his hand.

 

"I went out with Sho-chan while you were out with Masaki and I saw this, I hope you like it." Satoshi asked him to open it. Nino was speechless looking at the LA Dodgers jersey and cap. Nino loves basketball and Satoshi knew it. He cried when he saw a ring beneath the cap, and Satoshi, kneeling beside him. "I'm sorry if it was not as you expected and you know i'm not good with this, but.. Ninomiya Kazunari, will you marry me?" Nino knew his boyfriend was not good in this and he never expected Satoshi to do this for him although he had asked for a proper proposal. Nino wiped hi tears "No it was perfect proposal from Ohno Satoshi and I have no excuse to reject it." Satoshi was glad it went well. He was worried if he may messed the plan. He took the ring and put it on is love finger. 

 

Masaki and Sho was waiting in front of their room with a bottle of champagne to celebrate their happiness but they left after a few glass to give the couple some times to celebrated it together. Their wedding will be held in 3 days at the hotel and their parents will reached a day before the big day. Nino was so happy to finally be called as Ohno Ninomiya Kazunari.

 

 

### Jun & New-found love (or forgotten love).

  

Today will be his last fashion show in New York and he will go to France for a week for a magazine photo shoot before going back to Japan. From the corner of his eyes, he saw someone who was staring strongly at him. Jun didn’t remember seeing him before and he much aware of his position as one of the tops models in Japan, he should not be affected with that stare, but he can’t help it as it made him felt uncomfortable.

 

His manager come to him as soon as he finished his job. “Matsumoto-san, I’m sorry, but tomorrow morning we have a meeting with a new client.” His manager said. “Why I was not informed earlier. I’m so tired and I just want to sleep in before we fly” His manager know Jun hates last minutes job especially after all those runaways for past few days. “I’m sorry Matsumoto-san, I just received a call from our head office in Japan when you are on the runaway. It’s seems the clients saw you tonight and wanted you to be the model of their brand.”

 

It was a famous guys clothing brand, but they are specialised in an exclusive tuxedo line. Jun was so sleepy, but he had no choice but to attend the meeting. His manager had brought him his favourite coffee which he knows will help in boosting Jun’s mood in the morning especially when the client was 30 minutes late from the promised time. “I’m really sorry, our director was stuck in traffic jam, so I will go through with you what we expected from Matsumoto- san while we are waiting for him."

 

“As you know Tomiku is one of the well establish name both in Japan and foreign market. We have few collections; however, we would like Matsumoto san to be our exclusive model for our suits collection. We may consider him for other collection in future but for now the director want him to focus mainly oh the suit” the guy explained. Being scouted and scored an exclusive by famous brand was a dream for most model because it will help to elevate their status in the fashion industry and 'guaranteed' them spots on the world's best catwalks and Tomiku is one of those brands that models in Japan always dreamed for.

 

They are the most well-known brand among the Japanese label that able to breakthrough foreign market especially America and Paris. But Jun don’t like to be tied without knowing the benefits since he won’t be able to walk for other brands, and the real reason they wanted him. He is not an amateur and know how the industries work very well.

 

 “Matsumoto-san, do you happen to know our director personally?” that question fumed his anger, but he needs to hold it in. he was not someone who find work based on relationship and his manager felt the same way too. “I’m sorry but may I know what you mean by that question?” his manager asked clearly uncomfortable wit the question. “Sorry! I don’t mean it in a bad way. I know how good and popular Matsumoto-san is and from what we saw last night, it will be our great pleasure to work with him, its just, our Director usually not interested who we chose but this time he was determined to work with Matsumoto-san” Jun tried to remember but he can’t remember knowing anyone with that name.

 

The director came while Matsumoto was looking at the contract and it was the guy who had been staring at him last night and he still with the smug face which Jun really hate. They talk for a while and ended the meeting since they must fly that night, so Jun would need some rest.  “I will be in Japan in two weeks, we can meet then for further discussion.” For the first time, the director smiled, and that smile looks so familiar to Jun, but he really can’t remember if they ever met.

  

He knows Jun forgotten about him which he didn’t blamed him for it as it was almost 20 years since they last met but Toma still recognised him in fact he came back to Japan when he heard the other had moved permanently to Japan.

 

It was when he was in his first grade and was his first time to be far away from his family. As an heir of conglomerate family, he was sent to studies overseas alone in US as a preparation to be the heir that will inherited the family business. He was sent there with a butler and a nanny. His parents rarely came to visit him because they are too busy especially is father which also the reason why they are not too close with each other. They are more of a business partner than a family. He remembered how he cried and hated both his father and grandfather for sending him away from home. He remembered the sad face of his mother although she told him that he needed to follow the family tradition.

 

He was lonely and always keep to himself till one day when he saw a group of boys playing baseball at the field. Their ball drops near his leg and that was the first when he talked to Jun, who was in his second grade. “Are you Japanese? I am a Japanese too although I don’t really look like one” Toma was glad to see someone from his country in that foreign school. “You want to join us?” Jun asked. Overwhelmed with happiness Toma hold his hand and follow Jun to his friends.

 

Since than they always ate and played together. Toma found out that Jun had heard about him who always kept to himself and when saw him that day he wanted to be friends because he knows how lonely it can be in a foreign country but luckily for Jun he was there since kindergarten so most of the students in the school had known him since then. But it didn’t last long since Jun had to move to another state due to his father’s work. He was sad, but Jun left him with a lot of friend and he was no longer the lonely boy. He tried to find Jun when he was back to Japan but only manage to find him after Jun became a model few years back. Toma kept back the old photo of him and Jun that they took on Jun last day in school. He can’t wait to see Jun again soon.

 

Jun can’t get that smile out of his mind. That smiles felt so familiar and made him felt warm. “Nishikido-san is it possible for you to arrange a meeting between me and Ikuta-san?” his manager look at him. “We can surely meet him since we need to discuss further about the contract.” Jun shook his head. “No, I mean personally” His manager looks at him with narrowed eyes. He knows what was on his manager’s mind. “It was not what you think off, but I just wanted to confirm, I can’t forget his smile. Maybe he is someone whom I know from long time ago and forgot.” His manager agreed to check for him if it was possible.

 

Meeting privately and secretly meant meeting at his home and Jun was glad that Ikuta-san understood his situation and agreed to it. Somehow, he was nervous, what if he indeed someone who was closed to him which he forgotten about.

 

Ikuta-san looks so different in his casual and Jun was mesmerized to see him. “I’m glad you like what you see, frankly, I was afraid if you may not like my style since you are the top model.” Once again Ikuta-san showed him that smile. “You look perfectly like a model. Anyway, I made lunch for us, is pasta okay for you, Ikuta-san?” “Wow I don’t know that our supermodel here can cook, and I really love pasta especially if it was from Matsumoto-san.” As if it was a knock to his brain a familiar boy face came to his face. A boy who he knew from long time ago, someone who can’t remember his name and someone who he forgotten about, but he didn’t want to jump to conclusion fast.

 

Jun was silence while eating but Jun’s eyes never missed to observe the guy in front of him. The way he ate his pasta, the way he complimented it were the same. That boy also loves it whenever he brought pasta that his mum cook for lunch and that smile is the same smile that boy always showed him whenever he was happy. A boy whom he used to doted on, but he was too young to understand the meaning of his sexuality. A boy whom he left when he had to move. He tried to remember that boy’s name. he never knew his last name since they called each other by first name. He tried so hard and suddenly a name came to his mind and without realised it, he said it out loud. “Toma”.

 

Ikuta-san put his fork on the table and look at the guy in front of him when the other called him first name. “You finally remember me?” he asked while taking out their old photo from his pocket and showed it to Jun. Jun was speechless, he never imagined they will meet again, and he would forget his precious friend from his childhood. “I’ve look for you when I came back to Japan, but I guess it was not easy for me to find one Jun Matsumoto among the thousands Matsumoto in Japan till you debut as a model. I’ve been following your news but sadly you didn’t remember me.” Jun felt bad for forgetting him. “I’m sorry for forgetting you but I will never forget you again.”

 

They continue their lunch while reminiscing the old memories. “Do you go back to the lonely boy after I moved?” Jun asked. “Thanks to you, I didn’t or its more like I can’t because you left me with a lot of friend for me to be lonely.” “I’m glad to hear it” Jun reply. They continued to hang out for the whole day. Before he left, “Jun-chan, the offer my company made to you had nothing to do with our relationship. Yes, I do want you to work with us but because I know you are good to be out collection face. I never make business decision based on emotional so please consider our offer with an ease of mind.” Toma said before he left.

 

Since then, they kept hanging around whenever both were in Japan and had free time, sometimes Toma even spend the night at Jun’s house. they became closer again especially after Jun decided to decline the offer to avoid any misunderstanding in the future. Fortunately, his management agreed to his decision. He started to fell for him again. After Sho, he never opens his heart to any serious relationship, but it was different with Toma, there was something at the back of Jun’s mind, why Toma was looking for him? Did Toma felt the same as him?

 

They were supposed to meet at 11pm but Toma suddenly changed it to one hour earlier and he was grumpy when he reached. “Is this true?” Toma showed him an article about Jun and a new actress. “You know it was not true. You are the only one I’m hanging out with most of the time, do you think I have more free time for others?” He wondered why Toma was so angry about the gossip when they are not even dating. Dating?? May be now it will be a good time for him to asked Toma about it. “Toma, do you jealous right now?” “So, what if I do?” Toma replied, still in anger. “Toma, do you like me?” Toma didn’t reply him with words but by claiming his two lips in a deep kiss. “Isn’t it obvious when I’ve been looking for you and spending most of my time with you? I’ve always been in love with you since we were in school.” This it was Jun who claimed the other lips. “I love you too Toma.

 

He never imagined he will find love again from someone in his past. Maybe since that time both Toma and his was connected by the red thread but it was not the right time to meet. The continue to kiss and end up in bed declaring their love, starting new chapter of their life while promising each other not to let go of each other hands again.


End file.
